The Awkward Years

The other day I wrote about our 6th grade class making a movie for Coronet Films. The movie was called "Courtesy at School". I may have mentioned that, gratefully, I was in 1 very fast shot. 6th grade was definitely not my best time or look, for that matter. If you look up the word "awkward" in the dictionary, I am certain my 6th grade picture will be there.

To say I looked even remotely like the person I am now or for that matter have been since my late teens, would not even be close. For I truly was an "ugly duckling". I often wonder what a different turn my life would have taken had I realized in my 20's that I was truly beautiful, instead of always feeling like an "ugly duckling". My baby fat didn't disappear from my face until my mid twenties.

When I look at pictures of me in my 20's and 30's, I think to myself "I was gorgeous". I just didn't know it and therefore had very low self-esteem. It makes one wonder how different life might have been had I just a little more self-esteem. Certainly not conceit. Just some confidence. It makes me wonder if my life would have been different.

Would I have chosen different paths? Would I be in a different place now? Probably not, it seems we are often destined to take the path we end up on. But, it does make you wonder. Would my life have been more glamorous? Would I have married a different man?

I know that if I had, I would not have gone through the experiences that have made me the woman I am today. However, one does wonder! It seems I've turned out very well. My confidence is very high although I am still humble, maybe. At 63 I think I'm a "babe". What would have happened if I realized at 25 that I was a "babe"?

My belief system is such, that I truly believe that "going through the fire" makes us stronger. Much like molten lead, that finally becomes steel. That is what hard times does for us. We grow, we become strong and hopefully people who know how to make the best of every situation that we face.

My life has gone, I believe, just where it was meant to go. I am told that I am a good person with good ideals. Fortunately, I married a man who holds dear the same beliefs I do, that one gives back to society for all that we have been given. That we are grateful for the life we live and the people who make our life more rich every day. That we have been blessed with wonderful children and grandchildren. So I think I am truly where I belong. I am a very lucky woman...who just happens to be a "babe".

With confidence and love,

Neelie