Why is it that at 61+ years we still need validation from a parent? How hurtful it is when our parents don't appreciate or recognize what we do. It doesn't matter how old we get or how old they are now, there approval seems to matter, even when it shouldn't!
How old do we have to be before the disapproval stops hurting? I'm not certain. What I am certain of is that we need to shut off that voice in our head...their voice, that tells us what we do is not good enough. I would like to say I know my mother means well, but it doesn't feel that way and why should I still care? Beats the hell out of me.
I guess getting older doesn't necessarily mean we get any smarter, at least emotionally smarter. Those people who have always been able to push our buttons, still do. And I wonder why we lack self-esteem...it usually tracks back to a disapproving parent. One for whom whatever we did, was not quite "good enough".
Who tracks "good enough"? It is enough that we have gotten older and really need to put our past behind us! Something I used to tell my kids was "your past is like your ass, it's filled with shit and follows you around. So get over it! I'm getting over it. No longer am I going to allow a parent or anyone to push my buttons.
I'm having all my buttons recovered, so no one will know where they are. Besides, it really is time to get over it.
Neelie
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