5768

Last night as the sun set, we Jews finished the last of our High Holy Days, or what is called "The Days of Awe". Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the Jewish year, for it is on this day that we are inscribed in "Book of Life" for the next year. To be Sealed in the Book of Life requires reflection on the past year and making amends for any wrongs one has done in the past year.

We have 10 days to do this..."The Days of Awe", from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur. We are to use this time right any wrongs we have done, make amends to anyone we might have hurt. For we are to come before G-d with a clean slate, as it were. Were we kind? Were we thoughtful? Did we gossip about a neighbor? Perhaps, we did something worse. Perhaps we were unkind to our parents (if we are lucky enough to still have them). The 10 commandments tell us we are to "Honor our Mothers and Fathers".

Were our transgressions worse? Did we cheat or steal? All of these must be made right if we are to be Sealed in the Book of Life for the coming year. On Yom Kippur we fast for 25 hours. No food, no water. Nothing is to pass our lips. This is one of 4 fast days we have a year, but this is the most important one. For doing this helps us to atone for any sins we may have committed in the past year. It also allows us to realize that we can do anything we truly set our mind to, we don't have to give in to temptation.

This New Year is 5768. It is the 1st time in many years that I have joined a Temple and have participated in services. I have always believed in G-d, always considered myself spiritual but have felt for a very long time that something has been missing from my life.

What was missing was an affiliation with a Temple and celebrating all our Sabbaths, all our holidays. Last night when the Shofar (Ram's horn) sounded to close out the "Days of Awe", to end Yom Kippur, my soul was full.

It is extraordinary that we Jews are still here 5,768 years old. Why is it extraordinary? Because it seems that for almost all the years we have been on earth, someone has been trying to kill us. Hitler almost succeeded. After all, he killed 6 million of us and yet we still survive.

The State of Israel is approximately the size of New Jersey and yet it continues to thrive in a very hostile area. Our Torah survives. Every time it is brought out of the ark and we read the stories of the Old Testament, it is a thrill. This great, sacred Torah has survived for all these years. The story of Abraham, Issac and Jacob. The story of the exodus from Egypt or as we read yesterday from Leviticus, what we are supposed to do...the law.

How is it possible that in spite of all the hatred of the Jewish people we survive? Just looking at the continuation of the Jewish Religion, for 5,678 years is a miracle. I was lucky enough to be part of this miracle during this Holy season. Hearing the sound of the Shofar. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by people whom I love and who love me. I was lucky enough to live to see another year and pray for the next one. All the while, wondering and anxiously awaiting the adventures that I will have in this coming year.

5768. That is the year on the Jewish Calendar. We are almost at the end of the reading of the Torah and when we finish the reading of the Torah next month, we will celebrate another year of reading the Torah and roll it up and start at the beginning once more. This sacred document resides in the Ark until it is time to take it out for the reading. How lucky we are to have these amazing stories to help shape us as a people and move us individually.

I go to sleep now and pray as I always have, but now, I really believe G-d is listening. One of my favorite phrases is, "Pray as if everything depended on G-d, Act as if everything depended on you." This is how I pray and now it fills my soul.

Feeling fullfilled,
Neelie

Living Well

As we get older it isn't always easy to like what we see in the mirror. My girlfriend Renee put it into perspective last week in a way that only she can. "Maybe my 'packaging' isn't as nice as it once was, but that's okay because the inside, where it counts, as far as I'm concerned, is still, and will always be, beautiful."

She is so right. The years fly by...it is almost as if it all were a dream! Where have all the years gone and why didn't we use the time for efficiently. I believe that we used the time as we were supposed to. Of course, I am a "fatalist". My belief is that our lives are basically charted out for us when we are born. This doesn't mean we don't have free will. We do. There are many roads in the chart that is created when we are born...our free will allows us to take the different roads. Not always the right one, but the one that brings us to the place we are supposed to be in our lives.

We wake up one morning and discover that we are just a short trip away from Medicare. How did we get here so fast and where was I while it was all happening? I'll tell you where we were. Right here, living! When you are living, you are not necessarily paying attention as the days flash by. The big events in our life, we plan for months and in a few short hours they are over, whether it is the birth of a baby, a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, a wedding, an anniversary...whatever it is. We plan and then it's over.

That's the way it is supposed to be. These are what make our memories. These are what we take to old age. These wonderful, and sometimes not so wonderful, memories. How lucky we are to have them. How comfortable they are on a cold, lonely night. How loved we feel by our memories.

So, it's not so terrible to get old. The alternative is worse. It is better to have lived our lives as fully as possible and wrap ourselves in our memories as well as the love we have felt and hopefully still have. Of course, our memories are not always what they had been.

Sometimes your mind reaches for a word or a phrase and it isn't there. Our we walk to another room to get something and forget what we went for. That's when we start to worry...is it Alzheimer's? Of course not, it's simply that we weren't concentrating or that we have so much junk shoved into our brains, we don't always remember. My girlfriend Renee told me a very funny story about being forgetful.

She said,"my very favorite forgetful story is about ten years ago Adrienne and I were talking then about how we forget things and can't remember so much. Then one day I found this really great article on Alzheimer's and I thought, 'ooh, this is really interesting' and so I sent it to my sister. She called me when she got it and said, 'I just sent this to you last week'!"

Adrienne is Renee's younger sister and like the rest of us is growing older. Unfortunately, about a month ago her husband, Bob, to whom she has been married forever was diagnosed with lung cancer. We are all praying and Bob is getting wonderful treatment. So once again, life shows us, don't blink. Because in that blink, life can and often will change. There is a saying, "man plans and G-d laughs".

I've heard it since I was a kid. I believe it, for we never know what is around the next corner. So keep living your life. Kick up your heels, celebrate every day and love deeply and strongly. For we don't know what tomorrow will bring, but whatever it brings we will still be beautiful!

Living well,
Neelie

Living

I heard a Kenny Chesney song the other day. The song could have been written from my blog. It's called, "Don't Blink". I'm certain that somewhere in my blog I've written that. I know I say it all the time to young women and men who have small children with them or a baby.

I always say, don't blink. For when you do, life just flashes by. I'm certain that somewhere I wrote about my girlfriend Renee. We have been friends since we were 11 years old. I won't tell you how many years that is, but dinosaurs were walking the earth when we met.

She and I were sitting in my mother's kitchen, both with new babies in our laps...we were all of 20 years old. Renee said, "you know 10 years ago we were 10 and 10 years from now we will be 30...can you believe that". Well, we both blinked and life has flashed by so quickly our babies are in their 40's, while she and I remain in our 20's.

There are moments when one looks back on one's life and it feels like a dream because it has all gone so quickly. Don't blink. I remember another time in my mother's kitchen...it was her 30th birthday and she was so depressed that she was no longer in her 20's. She looked at me and said, "just wait, you will understand when you hit 30". I didn't understand when I was 30 for I have been grateful for every birthday...it beats the alternative.

My mom is now 82 and beautiful. She is possibly more beautiful than she ever has been. I would like to say she is more serene, but one can't have everything. She is who she is and may she never change. It just doesn't seem fair that when we finally become comfortable with who we are, our bodies are falling apart.

I love to walk around naked. My husband calls me "the naked Contessa" because I frequently am completely naked with jewelry on. Oh, of course, I'm getting ready to go out. The other night he looked at my naked body (believe me, it's not so beautiful) but he thinks so. Love does that,
it allows us to look a the person we love and truly see them with rose colored glasses. We don't see their wrinkles or that they've aged. We only see the person we love.

The only problem with my walking around naked is that my breasts are not where they used to be...high and proud. What's most amazing, is when I had a beautiful body I wouldn't think of walking naked through my home...I just didn't have enough confidence. But today, with age, I have all the confidence one could possibly hope for. I believe I am beautiful even though I don't have the face and figure I had in my 20's, 30's and 40's.

Age does that for us...it seems to boost our self esteem. Such a shame that as young people we are always so worried about other people and how they view us. Then we get to an age where we just don't care what other people think...it's very liberating.

So, living is good. Experience is better and we only acquire it by living. So live every day as if it is your last. When you say "I love you" mean it. Apologize, don't be too proud. Count your blessings and not what you don't have. Most of all, love yourself. Because in the end, we are all we have.

Living every day,
Neelie

The Days of Awe

Tonight we began the 10 days known as the "Days of Awe". They start with Selichot, which literally means forgiveness. Then we move on the Rosh Hashanah and end with the holiest day of the year, the day we are inscribed in the "book of life" for another year, Yom Kippur.

These 10 days are time for introspection into our lives. How do we treat people, how do we treat our families, are we givers or takers. It is a time for us to change, to grow, to be better people. I have always felt that G-d plays an important part in my life, for I believe G-d is in all of us and for better or worse, I need to believe.

There is a wonderful saying from our Friday night prayer book, "Pray as if everything depended on G-d, Act as if everything depended on you". I believe that in this frightening time we live in these are incredibly important words.

Tonights service was moving and touching in ways that are almost impossible to describe. My soul is full and I wish everyone could feel this way. It sounds simplistic, even sophomoric, but it is true. For one brief moment in time, everyone in that Temple tonight felt the spirit of G-d.

My wish is for the world to be as one. For people to remember we are all the same race...human. That no matter what we call G-d, no matter if you believe, if we were just more kind to one another every day, life could be better for everyone, even those who hate us.

In awe,
Neelie

The High Holy Days

Tonight we were in Temple celebrating the Sabbath. I always forget how important Temple is to me. The extraordinary joy in the simple celebration of the Sabbath is almost bewildering, for it fills my soul in a way nothing else can.

It has never mattered where I am or who I am with when I am in Temple. For it is there that I truly feel G-d's presence. It isn't that I don't think about G-d when I am not in Temple, it is just that when I am there, in the house of worship, that I feel G-d's arms around me. I know we can get very existential here and ask if there truly is a G-d.

For each of us it is different and very personal. There are those people who say man created G-d and others, such as me, who believe in evolution and yet believe in a power greater than all of us. Many would argue that if there truly were a G-d we wouldn't have the horrors we have in this world. I would have to disagree and say, "G-d gave us free will and the terrible things that we do to one another are frequently in the name of G-d". Just look at the terrorists.

This Islamic Jihad is the most frightening time I have ever spent on this earth. These people want to see all westerners and non-believers dead. They march through the streets with placards that decry Western civilization and tell us that a "true holocaust" is coming unless we accept their way of life.

They outnumber us, they certainly could cause and have caused terrible tragedies in this world in the name of their G-d...who isn't a G-d but a prophet. How can people have so much hate in their souls. I guess I will have to add them to my prayers. Perhaps G-d can show them the way to peace and not to hate.

These next couple of weeks are called the "days of awe". They must have been for many and hopefully they still are for those of us who believe, for those of us who still feel "awe". All one has to do is look at a newborn to be filled with awe. Biology is incredible...so which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I know that I shall be very introspective these next few weeks, in between making gefilte fish and challahs and everything that goes with them. It will be a time to count my blessings (many) repent my sins (few) and pray that everyone I love will be well and happy for another year. And so, dear reader, I wish you a happy, healthy and sweet New Year. Let's try and fill it with peace.

Looking inward,
Neelie

Old Friends

I received an e-mail tonight from an old friend...or should I say "friend of long duration", because we are anything but old. We were friends in grade school and high school, back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth.

Something wonderful happens when we keep in touch with people we knew when. We go back to when. You know "when we were young" and the biggest responsiblity in our lives was getting up to go to school. There is a joy that I feel when I hear from an old friend. I guess because that voice, even if it is an e-mail, can take me right back to those days.

If we only knew then what we know now, but that is not the nature of living. For it is in the "living" that we grow to become who we are supposed to be. If we don't taste the sour, how will we ever know what sweet tastes like. Life is like that. We have to go through many experiences to become the person we are today. Some experiences are wonderful, many are not. However, all these times mold us and help us grow.

The lucky ones of us get through the fire unscathed and come out the other side better than we could have imagined when, you know, when we were young. I remember my mother saying to me, "if you would only listen to me". "I've been there, my experience can help you."

Would it were, that their experiences, their life lessons could have molded us. As parents we want to make life easier for our children. But the truth is, we all have to feel the pain or the joy ourselves, so when we are not so young, the decisions we make will be right. Perhaps, not right all the time, but most of the time.

For those of us lucky enough to live a full life, we have many battle scars. Thankfully, most of them don't show. However, once in a while something touches one of those scars and we feel the pain again just as we did the 1st time. Tonight I was reminded that we don't all get to live a full life.

Too many people in my life left too early. Too early to see the accomplishments of my siblings as well as mine. Too early to know grandchildren and the joy they bring. Too early to live a "full and rewarding" life. Those are scars that never truly heal. We just bandage them and move on.

So tonight I am grateful to have heard from this dear old friend, for he has allowed me to go back to that innocent time of our lives. To remember all the fun we had as kids at Oketo Park and at each others houses. I am filled with joy tonight because I got something as simple as an e-mail. Thank you Michael.

With love,

Neelie

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is extremely liberating. It appears I've never truly had to forgive before now. I've written about the difficulty of being married to an abuser and the subsequent divorce. This past week-end I was looking for pictures of landscapes to paint. This involved going through myriads of pictures I've taken over the last 30 years. While doing so I relived a lifetime. The life I lived with Ronnie.

I didn't find a lot of landscapes, even though we had been all over the world, what was there was pictures of a life. There were pictures of us before going to a formal event, parties that we had given, family dinners at our house, barbeques with friends. Pictures of a life, one I no longer have. The sadness that filled my heart was extraordinary and unexpected.

However, in addition to the sadness, was anger. Anger that he allowed this 26 year marriage to die so easily and made no attempt to help save it. The divorce was his final hurt. For not only did he take away my life, he took all the assets we had accumulated over 26 years and truly left me destitute. (Fortunately, I've been there before and as hard as it is to go back to being broke, I made it.)

By Monday, I was so filled with anger and pain that I had to call and ask him why. Why he didn't want to save our marriage? Why he hid all our assets to insure that his way of life would not change? During that phone call I realized 2 things; 1. that we both still have extraordinary love for each other and 2. he couldn't help what he did because that is who he is.

He has remarried a very wealthy woman who has no children, has never been married and he doesn't ever have to work again because he hid all the money and assets we had and now he has her and her family money. Oh, and she is an only child, albeit no longer a child, but will inherit all the assets from her very wealthy family.

Ronnie has changed. Extraordinary, but true! I realized he treats her with respect because she has the "gold" and whoever has the "gold" rules. So he is respectful and different with her. At first I was conflicted. Why could he not be that way with me and our children? Then I realized, he couldn't because he had gotten away with it for so long.

That realization led me to different thinking. I am truly happy that he has, the life he apparently always wanted and that I could finally forgive him for all the past hurts. I read somewhere that "anger eats up the vessel it lives in". I no longer want to be the vessel for all that anger.

So I called him yesterday and told him how happy I am that he has the life he wants, that he and his eldest son are seeing one another again and he is spending time with our 2 granddaughters for the 1st time in 6 years. That phone call healed my heart. It is no longer filled with all that anger, it is filled with forgiveness.

Always learning,
Neelie

When Life Throws You A Curve!

It seems that when we least expect it, life changes. Sometimes our lives change for the better and sometimes for the worst. Every moment is so precious because we never know when a change is coming. I haven't written for months. In December I had foot surgery and was in a cast for 3-1/2 months and really not able to sit at the computer to write.

No sooner had I become mobile again when my mother became ill. It was a life changing experience. My mother had shingles. We've all known people who have had the disease. The pain is incredible and can last for months or even years. Generally the rash is on the abdomen or around the hips.

Not my mom. She always does things a little better than anyone else. (In this case, it was much worse.) My mom had shingles down her right arm. For those of you who don't know what shingles is, it is herpes zoster. The same disease we know as chicken pox. If one has had chicken pox, as those of us pre vaccine, we have this virus sitting in our bodies ready to attack. It can be brought on by stress and that is usually what brings it on. It is not contagious if you have had chicken pox. However, if you have never had the disease you should not be near anyone with shingles. This applies especially to babies.

Shingles start in the spinal column and then work their way down the nerve endings, ergo the pain. My mom had the rash on her right arm. It was diagnosed very quickly so she never had the blisters that can accompany the disease. However, what happened to her was so much worse than just the pain. Because it went down her arm, she completely lost the use of her right arm. Overnight she went from complete independence to one who was completely dependent on others for her care and the care of my 91 year old dad.

April, May, June and July were lost months for all of us. Every day there were doctors appointments, either for mother or dad. Physical Therapy when she was finally ready for it was 3 days per week. My calendar was filled with appointments daily. My life as I knew it stopped when I became a caretaker.

Everything revolved around their care. Getting them to the doctors, taking notes because she was so drugged up for the pain that she couldn't remember anything, getting them home. Walking the dog, putting out the garbage and recycling for pick-up and all the little things that one does for oneself but can no longer do. By the time I got home at night all I could do was wash my face, brush my teeth and fall into bed, because at 6 or 6:30 the next morning it would begin again.

I have new respect for caretakers. They are truly the unsung heroes. So many adults my age are taking care of aged parents and working and trying to live a life. We don't hear about them but perhaps you know 1 or 2 people who are in this situation. If you do, ask what you can do to help...even if it is only to make a meal to bring in or a cup of coffee. Just the kindness goes a long way.

Happily, as of last week, my mom regained the use of her arm. She is the independent woman she has always been and how wonderful for her and my dad. My life is back to normal as is hers. However, I learned a very important lesson...even in tragedy their can be blessings. It was truly a blessing to be with them every day and to listen to how smart and funny my dad is and how infuriating my mom can be. When life is "normal" we don't spend that much time with the people we love so much.

Therefore, I think the lesson is, spend time with the people you love, as much time as you can because you never know when life is going to throw you a curve.


Counting my blessings,
Neelie

Learning To Love Ourselves

I see it has been more than one month since I've written anything. I received an e-mail from someone who read my blog. She, too, has been in an abusive relationship. Good for her that she has escaped! It truly is an escape because the abuser is so conniving and constricting and controlling.

My heart aches for her because she is alone in a new city and has no one to reach out to her. So somehow she was lead to my blog and reached out to me. I hope I hear from her again, there are so many things I can tell her. The more she reaches out to people, even strangers, the less she will think about her abuser.

I suggested she try a woman's shelter. Not only for counseling but for volunteer work because as we give of ourselves we find so much inside that we didn't even know we possessed. It is important to remember that "God made us and God doesn't make junk", that is if you believe in a higher power. If you don't then it is enough to believe that we all deserve to be treated well and if someone doesn't treat us well, shame on them.

They are the ones with a problem and we need to remember our worth and that no one, NO ONE, may ever treat us badly. If people in our lives are negative...get rid of them. Only keep the people around who treat you kindly and with love. It is amazing when one starts to think more of oneself, how many wonderful people are drawn to us.

So keep thinking good thoughts about yourself. Put into the universe what you want to come back to you and, surprisingly, it will. In a season when no one wants to be alone there are places to go and volunteer your time and you will find that not only are you not alone, but you will find a happiness and peace within yourself that you didn't know existed. Remember we are only alone if we allow ourselves to be. There are so many people who need comfort and help at this time of year...give of yourself and you will fill your soul with magic.

Magically,
Neelie

Life Changing Experiences

We can't have enough life changing experiences. They are what make us who we are. Our struggles forge our souls...sometimes better, sometimes worse. My last post told you a little bit about my ex-husband. He is an alcoholic and worse, a verbally abusive man.

However, when I examine my life, I realize my father was a verbally abusive man. He belittled all of us. My mother, all my siblings, actually anyone who got in his way. This type of abuse is soul changing. One starts to believe what is being said to them and about them. It is what becomes the foundation for every relationship in our lives.

It was normal to have screaming and ranting in our home. Therefore, I grew up thinking this was normal. I didn't like it, but there is a comfort level in sameness. Even when the sameness is crazy. I always wonder if we are doomed to constantly repeat the lessons we've learned as children.

Fortunately, I was not a verbally abusive parent. But the only men I was drawn to were verbally abusive. That was my comfort zone as sick as it was. As I moved into my 50's I realized this was not a normal way to live. That is when I started to move away from the abuse I had lived with my entire life. It took until late in my 50's to realize there must be a better way to live. That one didn't have to be abused, either verbally or physically to exist. Even when that is the only way one knows.

There are days I wish things had been different. There are days I long for my ex-husband as sick as that is. There are those days when I wish, I wish he had only said "please tell me what to do and I will do it"! He never said those words, he dug in his heels and said "you want a divorce, fine".

It wasn't fine, it isn't fine. Love just doesn't shut off like the faucet at the sink. Love lives in our hearts even when our hearts have been ripped out of our chests. It took courage to divorce. I had been with him for almost 26 years. What would my life be without him. For even though he was very abusive, he was funny and charming sometimes.

Extraordinary how evil people can be so charming. But he was and there are days I miss him so much I ache. That in itself is so sad because I have a wonderful life now with a wonderful man who is sweet and kind. For the 1st time in my life, I truly believe I deserve to be treated well. We all deserve to be treated well and if we aren't, we need to ask why are treating me badly?

There truly can be a happy ending, we just have to search for it no matter how elusive happy can be.

Constantly changing,
Neelie

Lessons

My son Mark, who lives in Northbrook, IL with his beautiful wife, Marguerite, their 2 daughters, Nicole and Brooke (my wonderful granddaughters), came to visit today. I haven't seen Mark since August when we were in Chicago. Once again, time flies!

Mark directs commercials. We knew he had talent when he was young and could draw anything. To see this talent develop the way it has, is truly remarkable. When I look at him my heart fills with so much love I almost feel as if I will explode. He is such an extraordinary man. He is the most amazing father to his girls, a terrific husband to his wife and a wonderful son.

Mark has a biological mother who raised him until he was 16. At that time, he came to live with his father (my former husband) and I, along with his younger brother Cary. To say our house was chaotic would be the understatement of the century.

Living in our home was my ex, my son Aaron, our Saint Bernard, Bernie and our cat Precious. Soon Mark, Cary, Sunshine (a sheltie) and Rascal (a rascal of a cat) moved in. Life was not the same and hasn't been since. It's better.

My former husband was an abuser. Not with his hands but with his mouth. Verbal abuse leaves scars just like physical abuse. However, while verbal abuse destroys your soul, it leaves no physical marks. Just scars all over your psyche.

He abused our children as well as me. However, the children were the innocent victims. I walked in with my eyes wide open. The pity is I didn't pull them away immediately. I am not certain why we stay with people who abuse us. In my gut, I believe we just become so accustomed to the abuse we don't know any other way to live.

Now that I am older and (I hope) wiser, I realize what a mistake it was to stay. I see what the abuse has done to my sons. What is amazing is that they are all so SANE! They, unlike their father are not abusers. The legacy does not have to continue.

My son Mark has proven that. He is the kind of father that every child should have. His oldest, Nicole, 11 years old, knows there is nothing she can't talk about with her dad. She knows he will always love her, even if he has to discipline her. She knows his love will always be there for her. He makes her feel safe.

He does the same for Brooke who is 3 now. Mark may not be my biological son but he is the son of my heart. I look at him with pride and thank the powers that be that he has become a Man! A wonderful, loving human being, in spite of the abuse that was piled on him.

Mark has a talent for bringing out the best in everyone. Whether they are acting in one of his commercials or students in one of his spinning classes, Mark makes them feel special. Mark makes me feel special and I'm the Mom.

How wonderful, that no matter how old we are, we can learn lessons. Especially loving ones from our children.

Learning,
Neelie

The Joy of Giving

It is important to savor the small moments in life. Those times when we truly feel satisfied. It helps us to feel validated as humans. For years I was a docent (speaker) for Lyric Opera of Chicago. As such, I would go around the greater metropolitan area of Chicago and had the extreme joy of telling the stories of the Operas of the season while playing excerpts of the music the audience would hear.

It was an extraordinary 15 years of my life. As much as I thought I knew about Opera, when I was doing the research on the Operas being performed that year, I always learned something new. My greatest joy came from teaching the children through a program called "Opera in the Classroom". We would go in to classes from 2nd to 6th grade.

One week at a time with various teaching tools that allowed them to hear the sounds of Opera. The last 2 weeks of the 4 week program involved the telling the story of an Opera while playing short excerpts of the music. The following week the children would dress in costumes (generally things we found at the Salvation Army, Husband's old shirts and ties, Skirts and bonnets for the girls. As well as all the accessories needed. Fans, muffs, swords (play of course) guns ( plastic) and whatever props were necessary for the performance.

Frequently, the Principal of the school would make it an event that the entire school would get to see in the form of an assembly. It was the most wonderful thing I have ever done with time next to raising my children and running a very successful business. For many years, after I retired from the program, because my business grew so rapidly, I would see these young people who were now grown.

They would run into me in airports around the world, restaurants or at trade shows. The immediate response was, "do you remember me"? You came to my 3rd grade class, or 4th or 5th, etc., and taught so much about the Opera that I am now a season ticket holder.

At the end of each class there was "immediate gratification". However, years later when I would see these young people and know that they were enjoying something so wonderful because of the few hours I donated a week to teaching them, that was "everlasting gratification".

It seems the most wonderful times we have in life in when we are giving of ourselves. We receive so much more back in return.

Remembering,
Neelie

Perfection

It seems that persistence can be a good thing. You can now find my blog quite easily at blogannounce.info under Livestyle. It took me awhile and 3 attempts. But they finally listed it. They are correcting the spelling to "Lifestyle" as it should be. You see we are not all perfect...most of us not even close.

And who would want to be perfect. Imagine how difficult life would be. One couldn't leave one's home unless we looked "perfect". Our children (if we had them) would have to "perfect". Nothing could ever be out of place and life would be no fun at all. We'd be too busy trying to be perfect.

My belief is that we all have parts of us that are perfect and that should be enough! Remember life is meant to be lived as well as we can live it. Warts and all! Laughter and joy should be our mantras.

For without laughter and joy we are truly poor. With these 2 qualitities we can achieve anything we want, because we will look at life differently. Just always remember you are a ''STAR". We all are. We don't have to be celebrities, but we do have to STAR in our own lives. (In other words, be present).

Starring,
Neelie

A New Home

I know I've told you all about Ricky and Lucy our 2 goldfish. She is a redhead and he is dark and latin looking, ergo their names. Yesterday they got a new home. Their move was almost as difficult as my last move in January.

They didn't have to do any of the work. I did! I moved them from a 20 gallon tank, which they were rapidly outgrowing, to a 33 gallon tank. It is quite gorgeous. This tank is a cube, rather than a long rectangle.

Of course, they have the premier spot in the house. Directly under the wine rack and over the wine cellar. So anytime they feel the need to have a drink they either reach up or down, but only in my or their fantasies, since we know they cannot breathe out of the water. Besides, they have no thumbs or fingers for that matter. How would they open a wine bottle. They couldn't even manage the new screw tops.

Moving is a trauma for anyone including the fish. I was exhausted after hauling out the water and plants and gravel from the old tank, up and down the ladder and then cleaning out the old tank. Then, of course, you have to wash the gravel, put it into the new tank and then refill it. Move the gravel around so it looks beautiful, put in their plants and their new home inside their home.

I think the place is very stylish. Apparently, they do too. They were still alive this morning and seem to be enjoying the additional space.

So, it seems, moving isn't all that bad after all. We just get used the "sameness" of things. We think about the hard work of a move, the packing and getting rid of junk we haven't used in years...but it turns out to be really good thing.

Life is always a series of change in one way or another, whether for us or the "fish". We feel as if we won't survive and are then surprised by how wonderful it is and why it took us so long after all. As has been said before, change is good. It's good for the head, the heart and the soul. If only we didn't fight it so hard and just went with the current, we would see, we almost always end up in a better place.

Changing daily,

Neelie

Change Is Good

Oh how we resist change. For the last year, we have been driving back and forth to Ft. Lauderdale every other week. We have been making this 1 hour drive each way to go to the beauty shop. I always said, I would stay until my manicurist left.

Last Tuesday, she left. Wednesday I went to the beauty shop 5 minutes from our new house. It is a wonderful, full service salon. Thursday, Jimmy and I had manicures and pedicures (the pedicure chairs have a whirlpool massage). I asked if we could rent them by the hour our feet felt so good.

We had terrific manicures and pedicures. Today was the true test, hair! Not that my hair takes any great doing. I wear it so short and get it cut every 2 weeks. But you know how we women are. If men don't get a good haircut, they put on a hat. We girls complain and cry about it for a week. Fortunately, I received a good haircut. It may take him a couple of weeks to get it right, but it's short...so who cares.

Everyone at the salon is so nice. They offer every service imaginable and make it very homey. Who knew change could feel this good.

So the lesson for today is, even though we may want to resist change...why not try. It frequently turns out better than we expect.

Feeling great about myself,
Neelie

The Grandkittens

My adopted daughter Liz (she adopted me much to my delight) found 5 baby kittens in one of her window wells, 5 weeks ago. The mother cat had abandoned them. Of course, the mother cat has had a number of litters in this same window well. Perhaps she just got tired of taking care of them.

So Liz and the girls have been caring for them. Liz went to the pet store and got baby bottles with formula for the babies. Their little eyes were still closed and they weren't even 1 lb. She stayed up at night to feed them and care for them.

When Jimmy asked her if she felt like Grandmother, Mom or Midwife, Liz replied, "No, just like with my kids, the maid"! She has been a wonderful mommy to the kittens, unfortunately 2 of them were just not strong enough to make it and now lay in repose in the backyard under their own little headstones.

Every day brings new and exciting stories about these wonderful little creatures. I remember when my son Aaron, was little, we brought home a black kitten. Next door to us lived a Rabbi who came home and saw Aaron and I with the kitten on our porch. The Rabbi said, "isn't it wonderful". "God makes all babies adorable so someone will take care of them". He was a pretty smart Rabbi.

Back to Liz and the kittens. Last week the Vet suggested she introduce food other than formula to the kittens. There are 2 girls and a boy. One girl is black, the other boy and girl are Gray. The big boy took some of the kitten chow with milk and then lay in the milk. Now all 3 are eating the kitten chow and lying in the milk. Obviously, it makes them feel good, or they heard that a milk bath is good for your skin! When they finish eating or when Ms. Black Kitten, finally moves so the other 2 can eat, they are so dirty, that Liz immediately puts them in the kitchen sink where they luxuriate in a bath...who says Cats don't like water. These 3 do!

Every day brings a new kitten story. I think it's time to name them and have suggested the black one be called Tabitha, the other girl Endora and the boy Darren. Liz said after looking at him, that he did remind her of the original Darren on "Bewitched".

Emily sent me a picture that was taken with her cell phone of her holding 2 of the kittens. They are so adorable...just like the Rabbi said, "who wouldn't want to take care of them"!

Bubby to 3 kittens,

Neelie

"Time Goes by so quickly"

Do you ever wonder how we got here so quickly. Yesterday I met a little girl. When I asked her age she said, "I'm 7-3/4". Can you imagine saying, "I'm 55-3/4, or 42 -1/2, or 90-1/4"! When we are young time moves so slowly. Yet as we age...it just flies by.

We moved into our new home January 7, 2006. We have been living in the house for 10 months already, yet it seems as if it were yesterday that we closed on the house and then moved in.

Probably none of us would trade our years for the knowledge we now have to have the bodies we once had or the faces we had before time took its toll. But just for one moment wouldn't you like to go back to one special day, one special hour and relive it?

Do you suppose it would be as special as it is in hindsight or was it just the memory of that moment? Remember the book "The Time Machine" or the movie "A Moment in Time". What is your favorite memory?

Doesn't it make you feel all warm inside when you think of it? Was it your 1st kiss, your 1st love, your 1st day of school, the birth of your 1st child? Or is it the memory of love lost, never to be found again.

I look at myself at 18 and wonder if I knew the woman I would become or how my life would play out? I wonder if I've played my hand well or if there are still many hands to yet be played? It appears I'll just have to take it one day at a time and try to make the most of it.

Remembering,
Neelie

Saved by Google

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Project Red is not a charity, it is simply a business model. You buy Project Red stuff. (Motorola, AmEx, Gap, Armani, Converse, Apple) Project Red gets the money. It then buys the pills and distributes them. Sick people in Africa take the pills, stay alive. And continue to take care of their families and contribute socially and economically in their communities.


It is amazing that the older I get, the more impressed I am by the younger generation. So many people criticize the young people of today, however, all it took was one young programmer with Google to get my ads up and running in less than 4 minutes, by just pointing out that I am now using the "beta" version. Actually, much easier than the old version.

I didn't have to copy and paste HTML code. All I had to do was click on a couple of buttons. I'll tell you those people at Google. Not only do they have the most amazing search engines, the people who work for them are bright and quick to answer any e-mail.

Amazing, I was born just a little bit too early. Would I love to work in an environment that encourages bright people to be even brighter and yet able to help those of us who are technologically challenged!

What a wonderful world and how lucky we are to be living in it.

Oh, and since it's football season, the boys are showing off their helmets. Of course, Bullwinkle wants a Bears Helmet now that they are winning again. So I guess we'll just have to get him one.

Happily,
Neelie

Idiot "Again"

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Project Red is not a charity, it is simply a business model. You buy Project Red stuff. (Motorola, AmEx, Gap, Armani, Converse, Apple) Project Red gets the money. It then buys the pills and distributes them. Sick people in Africa take the pills, stay alive. And continue to take care of their families and contribute socially and economically in their communities.



It seems I spent most of today trying to get my "ads" back up on my blog. They were there 2 days ago when I was trying to put on that link. Somehow the HTML for the ads from ADSENSE were erased...trust me, not by me. I'm not that smart. The only thing I know about HTML is it means HYPERLINK something...I'll hyperlink something.

I just read someone else's blog. Boy is she a mess! Poor girl. Seems to be problems all over her life. She has just got to turn that around or life is going to seem very looooonnnng!!! Not for good reasons.

I can tell her that just when you think something awful has happened, life turns around faster than you can blink. But you have to be positive and not dwell in your misery. There are just people out there that only know how to be miserable. Call me a "Pollyanna" if you will, but if you don't have a positive attitude and believe magic will happen...it never will! For me, magic happens every day. Even on a day like today when I don't know anything about HTML.

I better write this girl and tell her "life is short". Change the things that are bad now or you'll never enjoy anything. She will just dwell in her misery. What fun is that. Waiting for something to happen to make you happy. You will never be happy. You must find your joy every day.

Perhaps her blog is just the way she vents. We all need an outlet to vent. I have one. We hung a wonderful gong in the house. When I need to vent...I just bang that gong. It releases all my tension and leaves me with a wonderful sense of peace. That must be why the Buddhists use gongs. What an extraordinary feeling when you hit the gong. The sound it makes is wonderful and magical...there I go again, magic. I tell you it happens every day.

BTW, do you like my new template. I think it is much more in keeping with my "elegant" self.

Magically,
Neelie

Carpe Diem

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Project Red is not a charity, it is simply a business model. You buy Project Red stuff. (Motorola, AmEx, Gap, Armani, Converse, Apple) Project Red gets the money. It then buys the pills and distributes them. Sick people in Africa take the pills, stay alive. And continue to take care of their families and contribute socially and economically in their communities.

"Sieze The Day". Very important to do. When my children were small I used to tell them, "yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn't promised, today is God's gift to you and that's why it's called The Present. Every day should be looked at as a present. A new day to do anything we want with. Like a present it should be unwrapped with great abandon.

We should do everything with excitment. For only then will we truly experience real joy. It seems that too many of us go through life looking sullen. Remember what you think is what shows on your face. So go out into the wonderful joyful! Even if you don't feel that way to begin with, the simple act of putting a smile on your face, will make you feel joy.

There are so many things in life to be grateful for. Our health, our family, our work (hopefully you are doing what you love), our friends, the roof over our head, our friends. You get the picture.

All you have to do is turn on the television and see the misery all around the world. So here we are, comfortable without misery....let's be grateful.

My friend of longest duration, Renee had a new grandson yesterday. He was born in Israel to her youngest son Dovid and his wife Elouise. How wonderful! A new life in a land so torn by strife. So even though the news every day is so full of misery, the young people have hope for the future and continue to reproduce.

How lucky we are! Let's try to remember that.

Carpe Diem,
Neelie