Life Is Short

A Brand New Life

2010-07-03T22:21:00.006-04:00

It's not often we get another chance at getting it right. Here I am...one of the luckiest...I am, if I choose, able to reinvent myself AGAIN!!! Just when one believes it's almost over, one is able to start anew. How fortunate I am!

Life doesn't always give us what we want. However, it appears, that life gives us what we need. The last 18 months have been challenging but interesting. Even when I could have used less of a challenge. Here I am smiling and enjoying my new life.

I'm out working again and having a wonderful time. Retirement...for really old people...not me! Life gave me the proverbial "kick in the pants" just when I needed it. Ever one for new adventures, who am I to not rush to the fun. I am embracing the challenges, not bemoaning them. For each new day brings a new PRESENT to be unwrapped.

Each present is a new opportunity to learn, grow and discover the possibilities. How wonderful to be able to see the future with delight and optimism. For whatever happens from this day forward I am open and accepting. Bring it on...here I am, ready and waiting.

With great anticipation,

Neelie

STROKE!!!

2010-03-31T16:31:00.010-04:00

On March 4, 2010 my husband, Jimmy, went to bed at 11:00 p.m. One and one-half hours later, at 12:30 a.m. March 5, 2010, I heard a "thud"! Immediately I saw Jimmy was not on the bed. An eternity passed until I got to his side of the bed. I found him on the floor. He was facing away from me. His right leg and right arm were bent at the knee and elbow respectively.

After checking that no bones were broken, I tried to lift him to a sitting position and that's when I saw his face. His lips were not straight...a classic sign of a stroke. Gently, I laid his head on a pillow and called 911.

By the time they got here (it felt like forever) I knew he not only had a stroke, but a very severe one. My eloquent husband was unable to speak coherently and his right side appeared to be paralyzed. The EMT's were able to get him onto the chaise in our bedroom and start an IV. They immediately called for transport to the hospital.

As I drove to the hospital in the early morning of March 5, I knew our lives would never be the same. A CT Scan and an MRI confirmed my worst fear. Jimmy had suffered what is called an MCA, Middle Cerebral Artery Stroke.

The middle cerebral artery is the largest branch of the internal carotid. The artery supplies a portion of the frontal lobe and the lateral surface of the temporal and parietal lobes, including the primary motor and sensory areas of the face, throat, hand and arm and in the dominant hemisphere, the areas for speech. The middle cerebral artery is the artery most often occluded in stroke.

He is paralyzed on the right side of his body and his ability to speak is severely impeded. One has no way of knowing there is an occlusion in this part of the brain. He was in good health and there was no indication that he was at risk for a stroke.

I started writing this shortly after Jimmy had his stroke. Every evening, when I would return from the hospital, my intention was to finish this. However, by the time I returned home I was exhausted and simply could not bring myself to the computer and write about what had happened. It was simply too terrible.

For 2 months Jimmy was in rehab, then ICU, back to rehab, then to hospice and finally to a skilled care facility. He was admitted on a Friday, late in the day. The following Wednesday morning, April 28, 2010, at a few minutes after 7, I received a phone call from the facility and then Jimmy's Dr. informing me that at some point during the night, he had aspirated and was now in the ER at the hospital.

I remember sleep walking to put on clothes and get in the car to race to the hospital. When I arrived, my poor husband had a very large oxygen mask on his face that was cutting into his cheeks. The straps could not be adjusted. It was evident he was having a very difficult time breathing even with the oxygen. About an hour after I arrived at the hospital a nurse from hospice came down to get some information and tell me he was being transported back to hospice.

Jimmy had very significant "advanced directives", much more than a simple DNR. Our Doctor called me and said "it is time to follow Jimmy's wishes". I didn't want to hear this and I knew his sister and daughter didn't want to hear this either. However, the Doctor was right. It was time to follow Jimmy's directions. After all, that is why we write out how we want our lives to end.

The stroke left him with no dignity...it was time to give him back his dignity. On Sunday morning, May 2, 2010 at 9:10 a.m. Jimmy died in my arms listening to our song..."My One and Only Love". Just before he died, as the song began to play, he opened his eyes and looked into mine. He smiled at me and then gently slipped away.

I miss him every moment of every day. I long to hear his voice, his laugh or smell the garlic he loved to saute...He was a wonderful, kind, incredibly intelligent man. He loved his family and his life. Even though he is not physically with me, I feel his presence all around me and am so grateful that we had almost 11-1/2 years together as friends and then as husband and wife.

For the almost 5-1/2 years I was married to Jimmy and lived with him, we shared so very much. Not just cooking and entertaining our friends and family but reading to one another or listening to an Opera or Elvis. We were best friends. Selfishly I would give anything to have him with me for many more years. However, I do believe I had the best of him.

Missing Jimmy,

Neelie

Little Things

2010-01-30T14:36:00.003-05:00

I've said it many times...don't blink! Life changes in the blink of an eye and if we are not present in our life, aware of life around us, we are going to miss many important life events. Life is too short and we must live in the now! It is an imperative.

For those with children, all one has to do is think about how many times we said to ourself "I wish he/she was walking, my life would be easier" or "if only he/she could talk and tell me what is wrong". Every time we say these things to ourselves, we are rushing time. In essence, we are rushing our life away. Our children will talk and walk much more quickly then we can imagine and ultimately walk right out of our home.

We'll stand at the window on that day and wonder "where did the years go"? We are so busy living our lives that we rarely take a moment to breathe in a particular moment and hold it in our memory forever. These little memories are what makes a life. The people whom we love, the things they do, those instances of joy they bring us are all what makes a life.

Don't be so busy that you forget to look at the little things in your life. You will be grateful later. Your memory will be filled with the joy...it is the little things that make our lives full.

Cherishing the little things,
Neelie

The End Of A Decade

2010-01-01T00:09:00.000-05:00

How is it possible that the first decade of the 21st century is already gone! I keep telling you, Life Is Short...Eat Dessert First. I hope you ate a lot of dessert during these 10 years. The pundits are all asking what we're going to call this decade. They make reference to the "roaring twenties"...Other than that, I don't recall hearing a name for a decade. I remember the 50's, the 60's, etc...

Personally, I think this decade should be known as the "The Decade of Greed and Fraud". It seems to be a good name. It started with Enron, quickly followed by Tyco and World Com. Thousands of hard working people lost their jobs, their pensions and years of loyal service because the CEO's Ken Lay, Dennis Kozlowski and Bernie Ebbers were very busy "cooking the books". As I recall Ken Lay's wife cried because she was going to have sell a couple of homes. I think they owned 5!

Dennis Kozlowski felt his $6,000.00 shower curtain was a necessity and Bernie Ebbers made the Top Ten List of Crooked CEO's! These 3 men seemed to set the stage for the rest of what happened in the first decade of the 21st century. We have watched as Freddie MAC and Fannie MAE along with all the sub-prime mortgage lenders have lent money to people who could never pay it back, to buy homes they truly could not afford!

We have fallen victim to the Bernie Madoff's and others like him who lived LARGE while they stole our money. Our government has decided that there are companies that are "too big to fail" and have therefore given them taxpayer money to keep them afloat. They took the taxpayer's money and threw themselves huge parties and paid out huge bonuses! The bonuses were to keep the employees that ruined their businesses from jumping ship.

Is it just me??? I wouldn't want to retain people who helped my company lose all that money. Nor would I have approved the government bailout. That's what bankruptcy is for! We now have AIG saying they have no intention of paying back the money so the government will own them or at least the lion's share. Chrysler has also said they are not paying anything back...

I do believe this decade has been all about greed and fraud and that's what we should call it! I just bet you'll agree with me.

Let's hope 2010 brings us all health, happiness, prosperity, joy and an abundance of love. We should pray for peace and hope the greedy get what they deserve!

Happy New Year,
Neelie

Once Upon A Life

2009-12-06T17:17:00.001-05:00

Last year, at this time, my husband and I discovered that, we, along with many others had lost our life savings in the biggest Ponzi scheme this country has ever seen. We were certain that we had enough money to live on for the rest of our lives with plenty left over for the children. Surprise! In addition to losing all of our money, our 2 year old home had lost more than 1/2 it's value. Therefore, selling it was not an option.

One's first reaction is complete shock and then disbelief and denial. Denial is such a good place to live. I chose to live there for a couple of days. Soon, I realized, denial was not going to pay our bills. Of course, I had no idea how I was going to pay our bills. We were accustomed to living a very comfortable lifestyle with all the toys that go with it. Now, we were going to have to live on our social security checks.

How in the world would we do that? I quickly learned. Fortunately, for most of my life I've collected Lalique and Baccarat. After taking pictures of my beautiful pieces, I posted them for sale on eBay. The pity is that I hadn't learned how to sell on eBay prior to posting all these pieces of art. Unfortunately they sold for very little, however, it was more than we had coming in and the people who bought my little treasures, I believe, love them as much as I did.

Being a quick study, my learning curve for eBay didn't take as long as one would think. We were able to live from eBay sales for the first 4 months of the year. I also had beautiful jewelry. My hope had always been for the girls in my life...granddaughters, daughter in law, step daughter, adopted daughter and her daughters and my niece to inherit my jewelry.

That isn't going to happen. It was all sold! However my foresight served me well. You see, I have always believed that I didn't want to wait until I was dead for my girls to receive the jewelery I loved. So over the years I've given them various pieces of jewelry and love seeing them wear something of me. Once again, we had money to pay the bills.

We have also had the generosity of family to help us out financially. There are not enough ways to say "thank you" to the people in our life that have been so open and kind to us. Since January I have been looking for a job. We know that there are very few openings out there. However, I believed that with the years of experience I have, it wouldn't be difficult. It's not difficult...it's impossible! 20+ years in my own business, doing every job, hasn't seemed to help! Searching for a position is very different today than it was in the "olden" days.

One cannot call to make an appointment. One has to email a cover letter and resume. I am convinced that if your letter and resume do not have neon lights and dancing girls, it doesn't get seen. Yet, I still send out my letters and resumes and go to every retail store in the area to apply for a job. My experience includes everything from Laboratory Technician (abnormal hematology) to public speaking...from packing and shipping boxes in my factory to selling my products at trade shows...teaching classes in customer service (one can tell I no longer teach these classes, because there is no customer service anymore) to answering phones. I've been an accountant, an assistant controller and a plain bookkeeper.

There is no job too big or too small. I will do anything and have, as long as it was legal. People say "you're overqualified". I believe I am "fully qualified". It is now a year since we realized our investments were gone! This is a tough month. I haven't run out of things to sell. It's just that my Judith Leiber and Kathrine Baumann bags aren't being auctioned for another 5 days.

If you're interested go to www.ha.com and do a search for Judith Leiber or Kathrine Baumann. You'll see the bags I have left. The beginning prices are great for these exquisite pieces of art. Hopefully, they will all sell for a lot of money and in January we will be able to pay some bills. Until then, I will be grateful for my health and that my husband is healthy and count my blessings.

Thanks for listening,

Eileen

Pass The Mirror

2009-12-06T17:12:00.000-05:00

How did I get here? This is a question I ask myself daily when I pass the mirror. Yesterday I was 18. This May I was 65...how did it happen overnight? I have a very vivid memory that has been with me since New Year's Eve 1949. My parents had a party at our home.

My bedroom became the coat closet for the guests. Mother or dad were in and out every few minutes early in the evening dropping off coats. With each coat was this statement, "can you believe how quickly this year has gone?" I was 5! The year didn't go quickly...it took forever. The last Rosebowl parade was a million years ago.

Have you noticed when children are young and one asks their age they always use fractions. How old are you little girl/boy? I'm 4-3/4 or 5-1/2. How many people over 30 have you ever heard use a fraction when telling their age? It would never occur to us to say "I'm 32-1/2". The wonder has gone out of growing older or the need to get there more quickly.

Funny how, as we get older that changes. As a pre-teen I couldn't wait to be a teen-ager. Once I became a teen-ager I couldn't wait to finish high school and go off to college and freedom and my 21st birthday. I know I went to sleep one night when I was 18 and the next thing I knew I received a piece of mail that said "Information for Medicare"!

Medicare information. Certainly not for me. How could this have happened? When did this happen? Aren't I still a kid? Okay my children are in there 40's but whose fault is that...not mine! I blinked and all of sudden they were older than me with children of their own who call me Bubbie. All I did was blink.

I know that if I could just keep my eyelids from blinking the years would not continue to fly by. One of the worst side effects of getting older is that as we age the years go even faster. How fair is that? Just when we are starting to get it right the time goes so quickly that one barely has time to get out of bed, shower and start the day and it's time to go to sleep.

It would be wonderful if we not only could stop blinking but didn't require sleep! We would then have a full 24 hours of each day to now use all the knowledge we have spent years aquiring. So I ask again, "how did I get here"? I know, you'll answer, the same way we all do!

Of course, the good part is that we are getting older and when we wake up we are looking at the grass from this side. The other benefits are the ability to finally say what we truly think, kindly, of course. Honesty can be so gratifying. We also start feeling better about who we are. No longer do we worry about how the world sees us. We can barely see ourselves without a mirror that has a magnification of 16 x or higher. I believe this is one of God's gifts to us. If one looks in the side of the mirror that has no magnification we cannot see what time has done to our face.

On the one hand I say "don't blink"...on the other it appears that aging is not so bad. We now have license to say what we feel and to think much more highly of ourselves. If only the birthdays didn't get here so fast. Remember, life's short, eat dessert first!

Not blinking,

Neelie

Addiction

2009-07-19T20:05:00.002-04:00

Websters Dictionary defines addiction as "a compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal ; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful". It is a noun. I AM AN ADDICT!

No, I'm not addicted to drugs or alcohol, my addiction is much more insidious! I am addicted to a game on Facebook. It is called "Farm Town". One actually has a farm! It must be planted and the crops reaped and then replanted to make money to buy seeds to plant, buildings and flowers and trees and when one reaches a certain level, one can put in a river.

I have never had an addiction...probably not true. I was addicted to my ex-husband...another story for another day! Now, I am truly addicted...I have a compulsive need for this game. It has become habit forming. I do feel withdrawal symptoms when I am not tending my farm.

My friends and some of my family have come right along with me and we are all addicted! Actually, we are all certifiable!!! None of us can stay away from our farms. We are neighbors, we go to the marketplace to sell our harvests and plead for work to make more money to buy more things for our farms.

We are obsessed with reaching the next level or 2 or 3 so we can enlarge our farms, or buy a better farmhouse or a barn or a watermill or a watertank or a greenhouse or a gazebo!!! We beg for plowing jobs to earn experience points which help us move up a level. As of this moment, the developers of the game only go to level 34. I have a feeling that will change. It seems every week they are adding something new.

One can only imagine the revenue they are making from the advertisers who clamor for a spot next to our farms in the hope that we will click on their ad. It makes me sad that 10 years ago I didn't go to school to learn how to write programs and create something as ingenious as this game. "Farm Town" could be used by college professors to teach business skills. It is that complex while being a simple game to play.

I have made acquaintances around the world because of this game. I have never spent as much time at the computer, other than for work, than I am right now. It is cunning, it gets into your psyche and you are "caught". I'd love to finish this column, however my raspberries are ready to be harvested so I must go.

Reaping what I sow,

Neelie

Much Ado About Nothing - Redux

2009-07-07T12:25:00.005-04:00

I received a comment on my last post "Much Ado About Nothing". The person who commented said, "Would your outrage be this great if the Governor was a democrat? Just asking." Of course, this was sent by Anonymous! Everyone knows who this is...someone who lacks the courage to use their own name or their nom de plume!

I answered, "I am neither a Democrat or a Republican". When I was 21 (the age one had to be to vote in the old days), my place of residence was Manchester, NH. In New Hampshire, when I was 21, one could register as an independent and still vote in the primary for everyone running.

Here I am, many years later and still an independent! I cannot ever remember voting along party lines. My vote has always gone to the person I felt would do the best job. I find this criteria is more difficult these days. If I had my way, no incumbent in Congress would be voted back into office.Actually, I do have my way...at the ballot box! That is where I exercise this right.

The writer of this comment obviously missed the entire point of the last post. It wasn't about his infidelity (who cares). It was, in fact, about dereliction of duty! That doesn't matter if one is a Democrat or a Republican. Imagine, if you would, taking 5 days off from a job and not telling anyone where you were going to be or asking one of your co-workers to fill in for you. Do you believe you would have a job when you returned? Of course not.

Now imagine that you are the Chief Executive of a State...the Governor. You leave your office, you do not tell your staff, your Lieutenant Governor or even your wife that you are leaving the state and will be gone for about 5 days. Let's continue playing "just pretend"...a category 4 hurricane has hit your state. Who is going to make the necessary decisions to deal with this emergency? It is, in fact, the job of the Governor to make these decisions...The same Governor who was AWOL two years ago when there were wildfires in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

The entire point of my last column was this. One cannot expect to be Chief Executive of a State or a corporation or Commander In Chief and simply disappear without letting the next responsible person know that you are going away! So dear commenter...read the column again. Perhaps you'll get it this time!

Independent forever,

Neelie

Much Ado About Nothing

2009-06-30T14:09:00.004-04:00

Once again a politician is unable to keep his zipper up. However, that should not be what people focus on. We are still such a puritanical society that peccadillo's such as this are more common place than people realize and should not be the focus. When one is unfaithful, only the parties that are hurt should be involved...not the rest of us.

Our outrage should be over the fact that this man, the governor of a state, left that state without anyone knowing where he was. Governor Sanford was gone a minimum of 5 days, leaving South Carolina without a Chief Executive. If a Category 4 Hurricane hit South Carolina, there would have been no Chief Executive to mobilize the people necessary for an emergency.

Governor Sanford was missing in action 2 years ago when wild fires burned up Myrtle Beach. Again the state was without a Chief Executive. No one was home to send out the National Guard or deploy the firefighters necessary to quell this conflagration.

Governor Sanford doesn't believe in telling anyone that he is not going to be "home". He doesn't think it's necessary to put the Lt. Governor in charge in case of an emergency. Additionally, now that Governor Sanford has told the world that he, in fact, met with his par-amour many more times than first admitted. Has anyone asked, who paid for these trips? Methinks the taxpayer.

This is the outrage! What politicians do privately should not affect us, unless their actions are criminal. Governor Sanford should not only resign, he should pay the state back for any trips he took on their dime. If not, he should be prosecuted.

Outraged for the right reasons,

Neelie

Wouldn't It Be Wonderful Or Not

2009-06-22T15:13:00.005-04:00

On Sunday I watched "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". It is impossible to count how many times I've thought or said "how wonderful it would be to start out old and therefore have the knowledge we have as we've gotten older and then become younger"! The adage, youth is wasted on the young is so true!

This fabulous movie, based on a short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald (who knew) shows us exactly what it is like to start out old and get younger as the years go by. In theory, it is a great idea...however it works fine until one is about 30 or 40. Then it truly goes horribly wrong.

I know I would not want to be a teenager again. The angst young girls go through (even today) is painful to even remember. We are never enough! Why is that? Boys don't seem to have the same lack of self-esteem that girls have. They seem to have everything under control. At least on the outside.

My 3 sons were more than self assured, they were confident as teens. I remember when Aaron was in high school. If he received a grade he felt was below what he believed he should have gotten, he had no qualms about going in to see the teacher and argue his point. In every instance, the teacher changed the grade to the one Aaron believed he had earned.

It made me quite proud to see him fight for what he believed he deserved. As a teen I would never have had that same ability or confidence! Girls seem to be under so much pressure. We always think we are too fat or too thin or too tall or too short...The experts say it's because of the pressure from advertisers who use seemingly perfect young women in their print ads or on the covers of magazines.

As I've gotten older I have developed a sense of myself. A confidence that allows me to walk into any room or situation and know that I'm enough. How wonderful that would have been when I was young. Perhaps I would be a different woman today! I don't know. Then again, I think I'm enough today.

Always changing,

Neelie

Life Goes On

2009-06-16T12:02:00.004-04:00

This past week-end my cousin Shelley's granddaughter became a Bat Mitzvah. The party was in California. Jimmy and I could not be there, in spite of the fact that we truly wanted to go. All of the young cousins (my 2nd and now 3rd) have all grown up. They are beautiful and fun and I wish I could have been there with them.

A truth is that as we get older, we hold precious moments such as this, closer. We should have been there to celebrate with them. Our time here is so short, we should drink in every happy moment we can. We didn't drink!

Fortunately, Hillary and Julia took pictures and posted them on Facebook. It is not the same as being there with them all, but at least we get to see them and how they have grown up. Fun times are something we should never miss! We don't know when the next family celebration is coming or even if we will still be here to celebrate with everyone.

Life has taken a different direction this year and we have been unable to take part in the family events around the country. It is a pity! For as we know, tomorrow may not come. So I remind you (my readers) and me to never miss a party...at the very least, we should make every day a party. Then we won't miss any...

Party on,
Neelie

How Did I Get Here?

2009-06-11T16:52:00.006-04:00

Two weeks ago I had a birthday. In fact, it was my 65th birthday! My question, therefore, is simple...how did I get here? It was only last week that I was 50. The week before that I was 35 and the week before that one was my 20th birthday.

I know I've said it before, but here goes "don't blink". I'm not certain how it happens that as we get older the years go faster, but they do! In fact, my last post was January 20, 2009 and here we are at June 11. Don't blink!!! Before I know it, it will be December 31, 2009 and another year will have come and gone.

It almost seems impossible that my chronological age is 65, for I only feel 18. It is only when I pass a mirror, which I do quite quickly these days, that I think "who is that woman"? I don't know the reflection in my mirror. The only image I know is the one in my head. The one at the top of this post.

How is it that I am old enough for Medicare? Truly, I don't know where the years have gone, I only know that I'm happy that when I wake up it's on this side of the grass...

Growing older gracefully,
Neelie

A New Day

2009-01-20T10:23:00.005-05:00

A "New Day" has dawned in America. There is a spirit of patriotism in our country that I haven't felt since I was a teen ager. The inauguration of JFK provided this type of hope that we are seeing in every corner of America. Once again, the promise of the future is before us.

This President brings into the Whitehouse the hope of every black American. However, he also brings the hope of every white American, every Latino, every Asian...every ethnic group as well as anyone who are not "mainstream" Americans. Barack Hussein Obama brings a sense of hope unlike anything I have felt since I was 16 years old.

How lucky I am to have lived to see this day. How lucky this country is to be rid of the ineptitude of the Bush-Cheney years. The last 8 years have been so self serving to those people President Bush liked to call his "base". We see where that has gotten us. Anyone who believes we are not in a depression hasn't been looking for a job.

The state of Nevada is #1 in Foreclosures. The state I live in, Florida, is #2 in Foreclosures. This hasn't happened by accident. The greed and selfishness that took over this country is astonishing. I know that fruit rots from the top down. The same thing happens with companies and countries. We have had a "rotten" administration fraught with greed and avarice and it was spread far and wide.

Today is a "NEW DAY". We have finally been smart enough to elect a brilliant man who believes we are all personally responsible for what we do with our lives. He believes that in America anything is possible. He thinks before he speaks. He truly believes in the American dream. What a pity that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. isn't here for this day! How lucky are those who fought for the right of a person to be judged by their character and not the color of their skin to be alive today, to witness this auspicious day in history.

Today is a "NEW DAY". Filled with hope and promise for the future. Filled with promise for those less fortunate who live in the ghetto's of our country. Filled with promise for Gays who just want the same rights that straights have. Filled with promise for those suffering from incurable diseases. Filled with the promise of a future that begins with a man who believes that anyone can achieve anything they want if they persevere.

How lucky I am to have lived to see this "NEW DAY". God Bless you Mr. President. God Bless your family and may you achieve all your hopes and dreams and God Bless America and all who live here. We are, indeed, very excited about your future and ours.

Looking to the future,
Neelie

What's Love Got To Do With It?

2009-01-05T17:42:00.010-05:00

I heard a line this week from a movie I'd never seen before. The words were so beautiful they made me cry. "Even If we'd never met I would miss you." To me, these are some of the most beautiful words I've ever heard, as well as the most sad.

Of course, everything made me sad this weekend. I spoke to my ex-husband on New Years Day. His mother had a stroke and was being kept alive, something she didn't want. Our eldest son called to tell me about Grandma and I called Ronnie. Instinctively, I knew he needed me. He did. We talked about his Mom and our children and our life.

We talked about when his Dad passed away. Ronnie and I were still together and I helped him maneuver the difficulties of losing someone we love. These last few days have been as hard for me as for Ronnie. One starts 2nd guessing. I shouldn't have left him. If I hadn't left him, I would be there to help him. Perhaps, our life together would be more peaceful. The 18th of this month would have been our 30th anniversary.

I've always said I didn't want to be an old woman who was still being shouted at and spoken to with disrespect. At the time, I did what I needed to do. But, God help me, I still miss him. He is burned so deeply in my soul that, at times, I miss him and I wish I didn't.

Love should be healthy and ours was on life support. He seems to be very happy with his current wife. He loves her. He is her 1st husband. She has no children, so no encumbrances and she owns a very successful business. He's happy! He said, "I'll never have to work again, she makes so much money."

I know he has a lot put away that he hid before and during the divorce so that I got nothing but away. That was ok...I needed to get away. So why do I still miss him? I don't know that I'll ever be able to answer that question. I just know there is a hole in my heart where he used to be and I don't know how to fill it. So for now, I'll be glad that he's happy and grateful that I was there for him, once again, when he needed me.

Lovingly,

Neelie

New Year's Eve 2008

2008-12-31T12:52:00.003-05:00

Whew! What a year this has been. Between the politics and the economy we've had quite the ride. Life is meant to be exciting. I just think there has been an overabundance of excitement this year. Perhaps, I shouldn't call the "morons" in Washington exciting. They are anything but. If we thought we had a housing crisis...we now truly have a mortgage crisis. Congress has all of us in this country mortgaged to the neck and up and our children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren...you get the picture.

The Dali Lama was asked, "what is the purpose of life"? His response was wonderful, "to be happy". That should be everyone's resolution for the new year...to be happy. Truly, happiness is where it all starts. When we have a smile on our face it starts endorphins in our brain and our happiness increases.

Even though many of us are feeling the pinch of this bad economy, we have to remember, we've survived many things...we will survive this too. Look at what happened in 2008. The people in our country "grew up". We elected a man President who happens to be black. As the great Martin Luther King said, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character".

How wonderful, that we judged Barack Obama by his "character". We, once again, have a President-Elect who is able to speak in complete sentences. When I was growing up, not only did I think I would ever be on the verge of my 65th birthday, I never thought we would finally see people judged by their character. What an amazing year this has been! How incredibly lucky we are to have lived to see this day.

Therefore, in spite of the fact that we are mortgaged to the hilt...we have risen to the top of the mountain!

May we all have a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year. 2009 has great promise. May we all do our part.

Happy new year,

Neelie

"Unchained Melody"

2008-12-23T15:56:00.004-05:00

If you haven't already noticed how quickly this year has gone, you will in just a few short days. 2009 is around the corner and most of us are still trying to catch up to 2008. However, if we wake up and realize we have a new day, a new 24 hours that belongs to us and we can live it anyway we choose, the year doesn't seem to go as quickly.

You must live each moment. Savor it as you would food you enjoy. Try to capture each moment and truly think about what makes it special. It can be as simple as seeing a bird fly across the sky or getting an email from an old friend that makes you smile. Do you know that it has been proven that if you sing or hum along with a song you like, your blood pressure will drop.

Think about what happens when we hear a song from our youth. We are automatically catapulted back to that moment when we 1st heard that song. For me that song is "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers. When I hear that song, I am back in 6th grade. A chubby girl with thick eyeglasses and horrible hair!

In my mind though, I'm beautiful and accomplished and all the things I dreamed I would be. It truly is time travel. One hears the music and immediately you are taken to the 1st moment you heard that music. The emotions that one associates with a piece of music are powerful. A song can make us happy or sad. It can take us back to our 1st love or our last love or to a love we have not yet met.

Always listen for the music...you just might take a "Sentimental Journey".

Living in the now,

Neelie

Courtesy At School Part 3

2008-12-14T14:36:00.003-05:00

Our mystery man has identified himself. His name is Michael Shall. The wonderful thing is that Michael was able to identify so many of the other members of our 6th grade class. Many of whom I had forgotten. However, once their names are written or spoken, the memories of them come flooding back. Now that I know Michael's name I remember him.

How is it possible that yesterday we were in 6th grade and making a movie for Coronet Films called "Courtesy At School"...tomorrow we're going on Medicare! Life moves so quickly that if we forget to be present in the NOW, today is gone and tomorrow is here. Unfortunately, it isn't always easy to truly be present in our own life because of the wave that comes along and moves us forward or backward or throws us on our tush.

Now, of course, I wonder what has happened to the people that Michael identified. Bob Rauschenberg (all the girls had a crush on him), Dick Luck, Jim Concidine who was also in my high school home room. Then there was Bill Wilke and John Vosnos. John was famous because a member of his family owned a large restaurant in Morton Grove called, appropriately enough, Vosnos. Susie Demorest, Ida Lynn Erickson and Dwight Frindt. He's already made the blog!

Where are all these people, where have the waves of time taken them. I'll have to go to the Maine East Alumni Page and see if any of them are there. What fun it would be to see them all now. I know how very much I have changed since 6th grade. One wonders how much they've all changed.

Hopefully, they're lives have been wonderful and they have achieved whatever they dreamed about when we were 11 and 12 years old. If you are reading this and possibly know any of these people from East Maine School in Des Plaines, IL from 1955 to 1958. Please write to me and tell me what you know or who you know. Perhaps, we can catch up even if it's just an email.

Those years were special. We ran home to watch Bandstand and The Mickey Mouse Club. We had house parties, we were so innocent. The only thing we worried about, "The Bomb"! (Duck and cover) as if that would have helped Truthfully, even that didn't intrude on our lives. We were too busy being kids. I watch my granddaughters with some sadness because they are too busy trying to be grown up.

What they don't realize is that growing up happens so quickly and they've not taken the time to just be kids. Life was so much simpler because we didn't have the constant bombardment of the media. We didn't have computers, we had paper dolls and the boys had baseball. We played real games, not online games. We went to the park in the summer to play and in the winter to skate.

Boys were interesting but we weren't obsessed by them and they may have liked the really pretty girls like Margo with her long blond pony tail and beautiful blue eyes, but they still played games. Our school dances, what a joke! The boys on one side and the girls on the other side. Only the brave dared to dance with the opposite sex.

Yes, life was much simpler and growing up happens much to quickly and now Medicare next year. How did that happen and when did I get old? I don't know...because it is only when I look in the mirror that I realize I have. Grown old that is. It doesn't matter that I've aged because I've never grown up and do not plan to.

Getting younger every day,

Neelie

The Bailout - Part 2

2008-12-12T10:38:00.006-05:00

Here we are again...our politicians spending our money to help companies that have such greedy people at the top who also happen to be inept, pleading for money to save them. Congress passed a "bailout" for the Big 3. Of course, it was not the amount they asked for. It was approximately 1/2 or $14 Billion.

Remember that old saw..."a billion here, a billion there and pretty soon we're talking about real money"! I paraphrase, however it is true. If one has been watching the news and reading all the little blurbs on the internet, we can see the story unfold. In the last couple of days we have seen committee members questioning the Assistant Secretary of the Treasury. The crime is that there were no oversights put into the original bailout of $700 Billion. No one put any conditions on how the money was to be spent. No one said, "you must do these things with this money" such as put it into new loans for people not take your execs out on terrific excursions or have $200,000.00 parties.

Here we are, 1/2 the money has been spent and no one seems to know on what. There is no accountability! It is so egregious, one can only shake one's head and question who these people are in Washington? Do they know nothing of business? If any one of us had a bank loan that we couldn't repay, our assets would be seized. The government wouldn't bail us out. Why, we don't employ enough people.

Here we go again. Congress passed a bill that would have given the Big 3 $14 Billion and would name a "Car Czar" who would have to have a blueprint by the end of March 2009 as to how these businesses would change. How ridiculous! The blueprint should be in place prior to the money being lent. After the fact makes no sense at all! Of course, this is Congress. Why should we expect them to be rational.

What most people do not know is what was tacked onto the end of the bill that Congress passed...a raise for Federal Judges!!! This is the same thing as the "pork" of $150 Billion that was added on to the $700 Billion in order to get it through the Senate. No one is telling us where that $150 Billion in "pork" is going. It's just politics as usual. Once again the taxpayer is paying.

The other ridiculous part of this is that Congress (both houses) get a yearly, automatic raise. I haven't heard any of the indignant questioners say they are not going to take their raise this coming year.

As of this moment in time, the Senate has rejected the Big 3 bailout plan proposed by the Congress. We can only hope this bill dies a slow, painful death. It is time for the Big 3 along with the UAW to wake up and smell the coffee. Bankruptcy would help the Big 3 get out from under the thumb of the UAW. I wonder how many of you who may read this know that anyone who is laid off from 1 of the Big 3 companies and is a member of the UAW receives 95% of their pay.

Then, of course, there is the pension program and the fact that the executives of the UAW make enormous salaries. Of course, the UAW did testify before Congress and has agreed to concessions beginning in 2011.

If ever there was a time for peaceful revolution in this country it is now. We've had a small one with the election of Barack Obama. A man who is putting together a terrific cabinet. He is very smart and I believe he wants change. Look at the mess he is inheriting. So now we need a big peaceful revolution! It is time to send a very strong message to our politicians that "business as usual" is not acceptable. I wrote to my Senators, Congressman and the President yesterday with regard to the Big 3. Of course, I write to them consistently.

Amazingly, the only one I ever hear back from is Senator Bill Nelson (D) Florida. He is an honorable, reasonable representative of the people. The rest of them should be thrown out of office and don't get me started on the Governor of Illinois. Therefore, I guess this is a good place to end this diatribe.

Waiting for the revolution,
Neelie

Courtesy At School Part 2

2008-12-12T10:23:00.006-05:00

A couple of days ago I received this email...

"I was prominent in two scenes in the movie. I was the boy who caught the ball and ran into the infield and took the bat. Also, I was the boy speaking in front of the class when Tommy Hawkins interrupted me. Who am I?"

Of course, I immediately sent an email to Renee. You remember Renee who has been my friend since we were 11. Renee is my friend with a mind like a steel trap. Renee forgets nothing. So she watched "our" film, "Courtesy At School" and sent me a few names. I knew all the same people, so that didn't help at all. We looked for the boy (now man) who was speaking in front of the class. Could not see anyone that Tommy interrupted.

Unfortunately, this person did not send me his email address so I could not answer him. I did, however, respond to him asking him to enlighten me. To date, I have not heard from him again. I believe it was Emil Simich who caught the ball and took the bat. However, I'm lucky if I remember what happened an hour ago. How am I supposed to remember 53 years ago.

Susan Frazin had her books knocked out of her arms as she got off the bus. There are many faces I remember, Barbara Coan, Roberta Cass, Renee Rosenberg Krinsky, Camille Berg. Of the boys, Tommy Hawkins, Mike Dean, Bernie Mitchell, Max Moore, George Welter and Emil Simich. Unfortunately, too many years have passed since Mrs. Unfer's class made this educational film.

One may watch the film at http://www.avgeeks.com/pivot/entry.php?id=165. If anyone can help with this puzzle or if, in fact, you are Emil please email me at redjag2@gmail.com and "enlighten" me. One of the most wonderful benefits of the internet is the ability to connect with people we had a "connection" with so long ago.

Watch the movie! Life was so simple in the late '50's and is so complex in so many ways today. It is nice to go back and remember who we were. This exercise seems to help me be more "present" in today. Remember, life is short, eat dessert first!

Reminiscing,

Neelie

The Bat Mitzvah

2008-11-12T13:53:00.005-05:00

This past week end we were in Chicago for the Bat Mitzvah of Emily Farrell. We are not related but I could not love her or her siblings or her Mother more. I think of her Mother, Liz, as my daughter. Therefore, Emily and her sisters are my granddaughters whether they want to be or not. I think they don't mind. After all, who doesn't need more love in their lives.

She was so amazing. The Temple is a conservative temple with an orthodox leaning. The men and women sit together, however, women are not allowed on the Bema (the altar) during the Sabbath. Emily's Bat Mitzvah had to be after sundown on Saturday. As such, she was able to pick what she wanted to read since the Torah is not read after sundown.

Emily chose to read the story of Esther. This is the story of a strong woman who puts her life on the line for the Jewish People. The story of Esther is not in the Torah. It is a separate book called the "Megillah" and is read on Purim. There is a hero...Mordecai. There is a villan...Haman. There is a heroine...Esther.

I thought it so appropriate that Emily read from the book of Esther because I believe Emily, like her sisters is a strong woman in the making. She will never sacrifice her femininity and will not have to. For a woman can be feminine and strong. In Yiddish there is a word "kvell". Loosely translated it means to be incredibly proud. I kvelled from Emily.

One would have thought Emily spoke in front of large groups of people all the time. She was so comfortable. It seems to me she should consider a career in public speaking. Of course, she is only 13 and one can only guess at where one will end up. Even those of us who are "grown up" are continually reinventing ourselves. So Emily can be anything she wants to be. The wonderful thing about growing up is exploring the many options available to young people these days.

She can even be President of the United States if she wants to! Her sisters, Dana and Jamie are so grown up, I couldn't believe how much they've changed, how incredibly beautiful they have become. I need to go to Chicago more often to see the people I love. They have grown up without me and I feel the loss. When I am in Florida, I miss them so very much. Yet when I see them, I miss them even more because I become aware of the very large hole in my heart where they are supposed to be.

Their Mother, Liz...who is the daughter I never had, is the love of my life. She couldn't mean more to me if I had given birth to her. She is the daughter of my heart and she fills it with her love. I am very blessed and fortunate enough to know how blessed I am. I thank G-d every day for bringing these wonderful women into my life and allowing me to share their lives. My greatest wish is for them to be who they want, to continue to be strong and never settle for less than they deserve.

It was a great weekend in Chicago, albeit much too short. Next time I'll stay a little longer...just as long as it's not winter.

Waiting for next time,
Neelie

The Bailout

2008-09-27T20:22:00.007-04:00

One wonders how many of you feel the way we do? Isn't this proposed bailout simply rewarding CEO's who took outrageous salaries and were inept stewards of the ships they were sailing? Who were greedy beyond words, who were all friends and contributors to our fiscally irresponsible President. Who protected these men as their billion dollar companies were going under? How about many of our congressmen and senators.

Would you reward your child for misbehaving? How about if your child stole money from you...would you then reward him/her with a "get out of jail free card". What if you were in business for yourself? If your company had to declare bankruptcy, you would have to turn all of your assets over to a receiver. Do you think your government would have any hand in "bailing you out"? Not so much!

How about Angelo Mozillo the former CEO Of Countrywide Financial. This was the one of the 1st of the mortgage houses that fell. They were also one of the greediest, charging exorbitant closing costs that were added on to the mortgage of people who truly did not qualify for the house they bought. Through spiffy negotiations with mortgage brokers they bought their dream house. They bought the "american dream", even though they didn't truly have the means to pay back their debt.

Mr. Mozillo was CEO of Countrywide Financial (the nation's largest independent mortgage lender) for 10 years. As CEO his average salary for 6 years was $66.4 Million. Not a bad piece of change to take home...however, Mr. Mozillo drove Countrywide Financial into the ground. The Company, when it was ready to go belly up, was bought by Bank of America for $4 Billion. "The rest of the story" as Paul Harvey would say...when Bank of America bought the bankrupt company, Mr. Mozillo made over $100 Million.

I would say that was a very good payday for Mr. Mozillo! Pity Mr. and Mrs. America got the shaft...but, oh well, he's living high on the hog. If we ran our business that way we'd just go broke, there wouldn't be anyone to step in and help us. Remember, the only time a bank will lend you money is when you don't need it.

We could go on and name all the greedy CEO's that got us into this mess, as well as those in Congress that knew what was happening, but kept quiet because they were paid to keep quiet. All in all, this is incredibly sad and once again the American taxpayer...Mr. and Mrs. America, their children, their grandchildren and probably their great-grandchildren are going to get stuck with bill and we won't even get a kiss.

NO BAILOUT,
Neelie

Love Is Never Wasted

2008-09-27T17:03:00.004-04:00

I can remember my 1st love, that 1st kiss, as if it were yesterday. It makes you tingle all the way to your toes. Then there is the lost love or the love that should have been but you either weren't ready or you just didn't have the staying power. For those of us damaged folk, generally, the ones we chose were for all the wrong reasons.

However, somewhere in your heart is the one love! The one love that all you have to do is think about and your toes curl. You know the one I'm talking about...we've all had a love like that. That one person you can never forget, that in your darkest moment you conjure up and you're right back there...that day or night...and you remember their touch, the way their lips felt on yours, the way you melted into each other. That's the feeling that we all wish we had every day.

Alas, that kind of love doesn't always last. It's usually to hot to not burn out...but the memories are electrifying. There is also another kind of love...the one you didn't meet until it was too late! Either one or both of you were in a relationship and you are not the kind that strays. Those are the "if only" loves.

If only we had met at a different time, if only my situation weren't what it is, if only...Do you believe in Kismet? I do, it's just that sometimes Kismet (destiny) is too late and the one you should have been with, came along at the wrong time. The right person, the wrong time. What's amazing though, is even though the timing isn't right, just hearing their voice feels like a touch. Hearing their voice takes you to a different place...one of "what might have beens".

This kind of love that reminds us who we are. That we are each unique and special and that perhaps SOMEDAY will come.

Waiting for someday,
Neelie

Political Junkie

2008-09-05T20:00:00.010-04:00

I admit it, I'm a political junkie. I have always loved politics. Not so much anymore. What a country we live in. It seems as if the race for the presidency has been going on for the last 4 years...okay it's only been 18 months. It just seems like 4 years! In spite of the fact that we have been watching these candidates for what feels like a lifetime, we know so little about them. Since I have not been in another country for an election, I don't know if their political ads are as negative as ours.

Is it only me or do you wish the ads would tell us who the candidate is, not what we should dislike about the other guy/gal! I, for one, would love to know who the real Barack Obama is and who the real John McCain is. We don't know. Like children we are spoon fed by their campaigns re: their positions, what they've done, who they are. Quite frankly, they all scare me.

We watched the John Adams mini-series and it seems this type of rhetoric and mud slinging went on even then. Pity! One would have thought they were above this type of campaigning. I guess the adage "what's old is new again" truly applies. We the people don't ask for anything better, so we don't get anything better.

I heard last night that this campaign for President has cost the candidates over $1 Billion. Let's see, the President earns $400,000.00 per year. It appears the perks must make it worth spending that kind of money to get elected. How sad! Of course our congressional representatives also spend a fortune to get elected or in most cases re-elected. We know they have the best health care in the country. Apparently, that alone is worth the millions our senators and congress spend on campaigns.

However, there is another reason they want to be in Washington. Trust me, it's not to represent "We the people". It is to line their pockets. Lobbyists woo them to make certain their agenda is passed. Big business is in the vest pocket of most of our Senators and Congressmen/women. What the founding fathers saw as serving the country for a term or two, has become a lifetime career.

When they retire, they receive their salaries as a pension for the rest of their lives. They don't have to try to live on Social Security or worry about health care. Pretty good job and they only work 4 days a week as long as they are in session. Which isn't often. Even now, in the midst of this extraordinary financial crisis, they want to get it resolved before they recess.

How many people out there know that Secretary Paulson was CEO of Goldman, Sachs and a HUGE contributor to the Bush campaign? I bet, not many. Yet, our President wants to allow Paulson, alone, to determine that we the people should bail out these companies like Lehman Bros. to the tune of $700 Billion with no safeguards. Personally, the greed on Wall Street should not be rewarded by bailing these people out.

If Paulson has his way not only will your children be paying for this bailout, but your great grandchildren and possibly your great, great grandchildren! The mortgage bankers were no better. The reason there are so many foreclosures is the greed of the mortgage companies. Anyone could buy a house. It didn't matter if they could afford to repay the mortgage. All they had to do was come up with the huge closing costs which, of course, were added on to the mortgage. I know 1 person who's closing costs were over $30,000.00. It is shameful and we the people will be paying for their greed for years to come.

My belief is that money and success are a person's right. We all have the right to be rich but not at the expense of someone else! When one earns their living by preying on the naive, they do not deserve a golden parachute when the government bails them out. I've always heard that the conservative Republicans are fiscally responsible...not so much!!!

We have a do nothing congress and a lame duck president who continues to get what he wants from our do nothing congress. Personally, I think it's time for a new "Boston Tea Party". Remember your history...no taxation without representation. Do you believe you are truly represented in Congress?

Truly disgusted,
Neelie

Memorial Day 2008

2008-05-26T13:33:00.012-04:00

This is the day we honor the Veteran's who have served our Country in every conflict. (A nicer word than war). Honor them we should. These fine young men and women, many of whom gave their lives for our freedom, indeed, deserve to be honored. There are parades all over this country in virtually every city honoring these men and women.

However, there shouldn't be just one day of honor. Their memories, their lives should be honored every day! Who's to say what would have happened if we didn't win the big one! You know, WWII. Our flag could be German or Japanese right now. But, we did win it, over there...in Europe and in Japan. We lost many young lives in that conflict. Men who could have grown up to be whatever they wanted. Who may have changed the course of our Country. Of course, that's only supposition.

Both my dad and my husband served in WWII. My dad was a bombardier on a B-17 out of England. My husband served in Guam. Unfortunately, my dad died very young, at age 49. My husband is still with me. He remembers.I had friends who served in Vietnam. A conflict in which we had no business. But ever the saviors of the world, we were there. It didn't start as a military conflict, but rather we went as advisor's until it became profitable for us to be there militarily. Not only did we lose young men and women there, but we didn't even honor them when they came home!

They were subjected to name calling and other indignities. These men didn't have a choice to go to war. We still had a draft and if your number was picked, you went! I remember many who went to Canada to avoid the draft and since have been unable to come home. No amnesty for them. Our presence in Vietnam didn't really change anything. When we left, we ran...we took many Vietnamese with us (that was good). However, we just cut and run.

Personally, I don't think that was so terrible. It was a military conflict we couldn't win similar to the one we are in right now. We are not supposed to build nations...but that's what we are doing...or trying to do. We have since the war began 3/19/2003 lost 4,083 young men and women. In combat we have lost 3,329. Since "mission accomplished" was declared, May 1, 2003 we have lost 3,221 in combat. Of course these statistics do not count the ones maimed for life. The ones whose lives have been changed so completely that they are only shells of who they were.

I read recently, that 20,000 who served in Iraq have committed suicide since they returned home. Once again, war is profitable and so it continues. Even those running for office right now have not promised to simply bring our young people home immediately, should they be elected. By the way, the last casualty in Iraq was today, May 26, 2008. Isn't enough, enough!

Our VA System is deplorable, they don't have the resources to take care of the thousands who so desperately need their help. The VA, like so many government agencies is broken and not one of our politicians has an answer for how to fix it. Yet, we continue to elect these people to office. Our generation were such activists, politically.

It is with amazement that I don't see this new generation being at all the activists we were! Isn't it time for a "quiet revolution"? Isn't it time to "throw the bums out"! The politicians who line their pockets and war chests and do not speak up. Our Founding Fathers did not envision politics as a full time career. One was to go into Public Service for a term or two and then go back to their lives.

One was not supposed to make a "career" out of public service. Yet we keep re-electing the same ineffective people to public office. No one speaks out...no one says, "what have you done for me lately". No one seems to care much. As long as their lives aren't changed. Makes me wonder what is going to happen now.

Now that food prices and gasoline prices are at the highest they've ever been, now that the average family of four cannot go out for a day of fun without the cost being so prohibitive that they end up staying home. What do you suppose is going to change. Probably nothing! It's doubtful that most people know, that in spite of inordinately high food prices, especially staples, like milk, bread, cheese, our elected officials have voted to keep farm subsidies in place.

In other words, in spite of the fact that the Dairy Farmer is making more money than ever...the government is still subsidizing him. Giving the Dairy Farmer additional money...hmm, how come the government is doing nothing to subsidize the family of four that makes under $100,000.00. It wouldn't be hard. All our elected officials would have to do is change the tax code and not require a family of four making under $100,000.00 to pay tax.

But then that would never happen. Not in this country. Certainly not now. It's a pity that so many people are more concerned about overturning Roe v Wade than changing some laws that would benefit the many...instead of the few. Which brings me back to my original topic, Memorial Day 2008.

It appears that in spite of the fact that we lost so many in WWI, WWII our history books tell us we won those military conflicts. So how is it that we won...but they have all the money and industry? Oh, now I remember, we helped them to rebuild and then we stopped manufacturing in this country because it became too expensive. So we became a country of service businesses and then we sent those jobs offshore because labor became too expensive.

So here we are, Memorial Day 2008. Honoring the veterans of all previous wars and current ones. The men and women who have so proudly served our country. The greatest country on Earth many would say, including me. Yet we have forgotten one of the most basic principles this country was founded on...our Founding Fathers did not intend for us to be Nation Builders!

Hoping for a better tomorrow,
Neelie

Friends Forever

2008-05-20T19:25:00.004-04:00

Recently I had a very vivid dream of an old friend and I. In the dream we were laughing hysterically, just as we always did in the past. We have been out of touch the last few years, my fault. There is no valid reason why, it just happened. Life has a way, sometimes, of getting in the way of living! This shouldn't be so, but it happens.

My dream was so real that I immediately got up and found her phone number. As always, one would not have known that so much time had gone by. For, as always, she was just my friend, my sister, the woman I shared so much of my adult life with. We met many years ago when I was trying to make ends meet. She had a business and she hired me. The friendship was instant. We were both single mothers with 1 child.

Every Sunday we would take our children out to the most fabulous restaurants...they would have preferred McDonald's. Our desire was to treat ourselves and, hopefully, the kids. It never seemed to work that way. The treat was for us. At that time in our lives, it was important. Our friendship grew to one that was more like sisters who truly loved each other.

At various times in the years that we have known one another I have disappeared from our friendship. If one were to ask me why, I honestly couldn't tell you. It just happened. The wonderful attribute of my friend, sister, Renee is that she always forgave me and our friendship just picked up where it left off.

There is a saying, "friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends forever". Renee is a Forever Friend. I hope I never again forget that. She is loving, fun and most of all constant. Would it were that we were all that way. As for me, I'll never go away again because she enriches my life in a way that is truly indescribable! Just thinking about her brings a flood of so many memories, so much fun that I am so grateful that she is always there when I call.

Hopefully you will all have a friend like this "forever friend".

Grateful to have her in my life,

Neelie

Making Each Day Count

2008-03-28T15:01:00.008-04:00

Life has never been better! I know that I just wrote about losing a dear friend of long acquaintance. That just gives us a moment to reflect on where we are and how we're doing. You know, add up the score...when I add up my score my life is amazing. My husband is healthy, I'm healthy, our children and grandchildren are healthy.

You know, I believe, the Universe gives us exactly what we ask for. I always ask for good things. My thoughts are never negative...I guess I'm just a "perpetual optimist" and have been for almost all my life. Even when life was difficult, I always knew it would get better. Those thoughts, that knowing, always made it better. I believe that if you think good thoughts, you get good things! So I always think good thoughts.

If only I had written this down years ago, I might have made as much money as Rhonda Byrne, the author of "The Secret". It seems to me that I have been practicing these principles all of my life. It just never occurred to me to write it down. Imagine if I had. Who knows what life would be like today.

But I don't think it could be any better than it is right now. That's the lesson in life. Live in the moment, because it's those moments that make a life. Whether it's a happy time or a difficult time, all those times make us who we are today. Since we are not promised more than today, isn't it better if you like who you are today.

Many years ago, when life was a little more difficult, I used to "fake it". In other words, I would put a smile on my face for the outside world and amazingly enough, in a short time I would be happier. There is nothing like a smile, it truly makes your whole body feel better. Try it the next time you're down. Just smile, see how long it takes to feel better. You will find it's not long at all.

I've probably said this before, but who cares! Live every day as if it is your last, love truly and deep, always say your sorry and mean it or better yet, don't do anything you have to be sorry for, keep your friends close, you never know when you'll need them and always smile.

Smiling,
Neelie

Easter Sunday

2008-03-23T23:04:00.003-04:00

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm Jewish. My husband however was born Catholic. For the 1st time, his sister Phyllis, stayed here in Florida and made Easter dinner. She did this, I believe, because she and her brother are not getting any younger. (Of course, who is?) Jimmy is 83, Phyllis is 76.

They have good genes, neither look their age. But they are acutely aware of it. Therefore holidays, family time, become more important. Phyllis knows Jimmy will not go up to Boston for Easter or Christmas anymore, so, she decided to stay here a little longer than usual and make Easter. It was wonderful for the siblings to be together this year. One could see how much it meant to Phyllis to be able to share the holiday with her brother and I'm happy that we did it for her.

Jimmy is so over his Catholic upbringing, that he had become agnostic, that is until he met me and my Jewishness. He is amazing, not only does he help me get ready for every holiday (I cook and bake everything), but he goes to Temple with me, because it means so much to me. Amazingly, it now means a great deal to him and he misses it when we miss a Friday night service.

But for today, he was a Catholic again. You know what, it was ok! He had a wonderful time eating the foods that his mother used to make...even if some of them were ordered from an Italian store in Hollywood. (Florida that is.) One could see the joy in his face as he ate the delicacies his adorable Italian mother made.

He does so many things for me, this was the least I could do for him...even if it meant missing the Purim celebration at Temple. I know that G-d understands. I know that G-d said "go with your husband to his sister's...who knows when they will be able to do this again"!

It has been a week of extreme emotions for me. Sadness at the loss of a friend and joy at watching my husband! However, I believe this is what makes life the extraordinary journey it is. The movement of one day to another...the joys and sorrows, the bitter, the sweet. How lucky we are to be able to feel these emotions...how wonderful this journey is. Every day we get to write a new chapter in the story of our life. Make each day count, we don't know how many we are going to get!

Enjoying each day,
Neelie

Life IS Too Short!

2008-03-21T19:19:00.002-04:00

Today I received the news that a friend died last night. It was just yesterday that we were kids in Oketo Park, not yet in High School. We were the Oketo Park Kids...if we weren't hanging out at someone's house we were at the park hanging out. We did this all through grammar school and high school.

We would meet at the park for something momentous or just to be together. It feels surreal that Arnie is gone! Just yesterday he met Joanne and introduced us all to her. Just yesterday they got married and then had 3 daughters. Just yesterday...and today he is gone!

Our memories are what make us who we are. My memories of that time are so filled with special moments, even when they weren't so special. That is the wonderful thing about looking back. We can put on our rose colored glasses and see a world that we may not have perceived as being magical, but in hindsight contained so many miraculous moments, it can only be thought of as magical.

When I saw the email this morning, with the names of so many of my old friends, my Oketo Park friends, I was right back there, sitting on the park benches or on the swings with all of them. How did we get here so fast and why are we slipping away so quickly. I have lost 3 very dear friends in the last couple of years, but this one is especially painful because of the age we all were when we met and the times we shared. Oh those times...I've probably written this before, I don't remember.

The time that always sticks in my mind is the night at Barbara Coan's house. Al Neuman hypnotized a number of people that night. Howie Debs had just gotten a Moped and Al had him hypnotized to believe that his Moped was being stolen and Howie was unable to get off the steps to stop them from taking his Moped. Then, at the end of the evening, Gary Fox had been given a post-hypnotic suggestion, when he said "good nite" to Mrs. Coan, Barbara's mom, he would faint. Of course, that is exactly what he did and poor Mrs. Coan...she truly did not know what to think. Needless to say, Gary frightened her terribly.

It was a funny night and all the Oketo Park kids were there...tonight we are missing one of us! The sadness has settled over me like a cloak. I know it's a sadness borne of many things, not just the loss of Arnie, but of our youth. If we only knew then...life goes by so quickly. We grow up, we marry, we have children, we move away from one another, but somehow the connection is always there. The memories that we created have bound us together forever, even across the miles.

Life will go on, but it will be a little less full without Arnie and his wonderful laugh. You will be missed Arnie Greene not just by your wife and children and grandchildren, but those of us who knew you when.

Missing you,
Neelie

Positive Affirmations

2008-01-06T18:13:00.000-05:00

Here we are at the beginning of a new year. I am a new person this year. My life is beginning again. After 10 years of retirement, I became tired of doing nothing but painting...don't get me wrong, I love to paint...but I am meant to earn a very good living. If for no other reason, than I deserve to. For almost my entire life I worked. Sometimes at jobs that were just that, jobs. But for the last 25 years before I retired, it was my business with my ex-husband.

I always knew that if I divorced him, I would be divorcing the business. I knew it, but I didn't want to believe it. So here I am after 10 years, beginning anew. Once again I am my own boss. Once again I get up with joy and cannot wait to get to my desk. It was the fresh start I needed. For once again, I know in my deepest soul, that I will be a success. Why, because I believe it. More than anything, I have always believed that I will be successful.

"If you think it, it will be so." Too many people do not believe they are the creators of their lives. For better or worse, they make their lives what they are...through their thoughts and deeds. You must, however, believe in your soul and your belief must be such that you are grateful for what you have been given, as well as living as if it is so.

The Universe operates on the law of attraction. If you don't believe me, throw a ball up in the air. What will happen? It will come down. Why? Because it is a law. As surely as the law of gravity is a law, so is the law of attraction. We attract into our lives that which we desire most. If our thoughts are always negative, we will always attract negativity. The wonderful part of this law is that if your thoughts are always positive, if you truly believe in the law of attraction, you will attract what you deeply desire.

So that old canard, "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it"...is really true. So always wish for what you really want, because you WILL get it! That's how the law works. One wonders why it's important to write out goals. It's important because, this way your mind and your soul know what you want. It is important to write out positive affirmations that you look at every day. Why, because they will come true. You will, in fact, get what you wish for.

John D. Rockefeller said early on, "I am going to make millions in the 1st half of my life, in the 2nd half of my life, I am going to give it away." That is just what he did. Every great invention, every great painting, every great business, began with one thought. This is going to be the greatest ever and they are.

The energy we put out, we get back. So remember, always put out good energy. In that way, you will always get good energy back!

Believing,

Neelie

Memories

2008-01-06T00:40:00.000-05:00

We had a high school reunion last summer. I was graduated in 1962 from Maine Township High School East in Park Ridge, Illinois. It was our 45th reunion. I didn't go. The reunion was held in Las Vegas this past summer. If you've been to Vegas in the summer you know why I didn't go.

I would have loved to see some of the people with whom I was close in school, however those people I hear from almost every day. Email is, without a doubt, the greatest invention. It only takes a moment to communicate with a loved one or a friend. It somehow is easier than a phone call, although phone calls are a wonderful way to stay in touch. It is definitely easier than sitting down and writing a letter.

The pity is that we won't have anything to save because we won't have letters and notes. We all know that it is impossible to keep all our emails because our email programs generally limit us to the amount of space we have and so we keep cleaning out our inboxes.

In any event, because of this reunion, I heard from someone from my past. I knew her name, but could not picture her face. Therefore, I truly didn't remember her. We have been communicating, a joke here or there, an occasional "how are you". Nothing deep, because I didn't remember her. Without a past, there wasn't a now or a future. That is, until tonight.

Tonight she finally sent me a couple of pictures of her with her beau and one of her beautiful daughter and son-in-law. The moment I opened the 1st picture, the memories came like a torrent. I really remembered her. How wonderful that was. It took me back a very long time to a time when we were truly innocent, even though we didn't want to be.

It was the age when we were experiencing what it would be like to be a woman, even though we were still children. I remembered our Saturday afternoons at the Pickwick Theater in Park Ridge, Illinois. I remembered that we were too young to drive ourselves, so our mothers would drive us and then pick us up. She reminded me that we would go up and down the aisles of the theater looking for the cute boys!

When I think of those days, I can't help but smile. The hours we spent on the phone. Talking about boys, of course. We spent almost all of our time together and yet somewhere along the way, we lost one another. I don't know how that happens. How do we let go of people who are so important to us.

I don't remember how we met...we didn't go to the same grammar school. We didn't live in the same neighborhood. We didn't live far away from one another, just not around the corner. Her name is Darlene and how I wish we hadn't waited almost 50 years to find one another again.

It is true, a picture is WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS! Before I saw her picture tonight, she was just a name from the past...not a memory. Now she is a memory...a wonderful memory. I hope I never lose her again.

Remembering again,

Neelie

The Life We Create

2008-01-06T00:12:00.000-05:00

How is it possible that another year has come and gone. Their are many people I know who were not unhappy to see 2007 out and 2008 begin. 2007 was a year, for many, me included, that was filled with challenges. Fortunately, I look at challenge as a time for growth. It is the way I am made. I've said before, that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. I know I'm not the 1st person to say that, and I'm certain I won't be the last.

I do, however, truly believe it. Only during those moments that life is challenging, only when we come to the fork in the road, do we know what we are made of. I believe I am made of steel! I know I am made of steel. For when times are trying, I am always able to see the finish line and I always know I'm going to win.

Perhaps, you will say to yourself, how does she know this? I know this because of my soul. I know this because I am one with the Universe. I know this because it is so. There have been many times in my life when it would have been so easy to give up. But what fun would that have been. If one comes for the show, shouldn't we stay for the last act. I intend to be here for the last act and I know it will be great.

Many times in my life I have been called a "Pollyanna". Guilty as charged. For I believe there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I resist falling into the trap of "poor me". The moment one allows that to come into their life, the only thing they draw to themselves is negativity. I am not now, nor have I ever been, negative.

Fortunately, I always see the glass half full. I always see that all we have to do is ask and the Universe will provide. It makes me lucky to be this way because people like to be around me. I'm fun! No one wants to be with people who are mopey. I know I've told the story of my neighbor who had it all, yet always complained.

She had very few people in her life. The ones that were there, I believe, were there because they wanted to go out on the boat she owned. Sad, for them and for her. I would rather be at home, alone, then to be in the company of a negative person. I like my own company. I like being alone.

The life I have created is one of joy and laughter. It makes me happy and allows me to draw happy people into my world. Again, this makes me lucky. The Dali Lama, when asked what the purpose of life is, replied "to be happy". Well, I guess that puts me in good company. For, I am, happy.

Happiness is a feeling that replicates itself in everything we do and in everyone we come in contact with. Have you ever noticed that when you are truly happy, it is impossible for others in your company, not to also be happy. Happiness is contagious. It is a disease that is worth catching.

So for tonight, I wish you happiness and joy. Delight in your life...we don't know what the next one will bring.

Happily,

Neelie

The Awkward Years

2007-12-25T11:23:00.001-05:00

The other day I wrote about our 6th grade class making a movie for Coronet Films. The movie was called "Courtesy at School". I may have mentioned that, gratefully, I was in 1 very fast shot. 6th grade was definitely not my best time or look, for that matter. If you look up the word "awkward" in the dictionary, I am certain my 6th grade picture will be there.

To say I looked even remotely like the person I am now or for that matter have been since my late teens, would not even be close. For I truly was an "ugly duckling". I often wonder what a different turn my life would have taken had I realized in my 20's that I was truly beautiful, instead of always feeling like an "ugly duckling". My baby fat didn't disappear from my face until my mid twenties.

When I look at pictures of me in my 20's and 30's, I think to myself "I was gorgeous". I just didn't know it and therefore had very low self-esteem. It makes one wonder how different life might have been had I just a little more self-esteem. Certainly not conceit. Just some confidence. It makes me wonder if my life would have been different.

Would I have chosen different paths? Would I be in a different place now? Probably not, it seems we are often destined to take the path we end up on. But, it does make you wonder. Would my life have been more glamorous? Would I have married a different man?

I know that if I had, I would not have gone through the experiences that have made me the woman I am today. However, one does wonder! It seems I've turned out very well. My confidence is very high although I am still humble, maybe. At 63 I think I'm a "babe". What would have happened if I realized at 25 that I was a "babe"?

My belief system is such, that I truly believe that "going through the fire" makes us stronger. Much like molten lead, that finally becomes steel. That is what hard times does for us. We grow, we become strong and hopefully people who know how to make the best of every situation that we face.

My life has gone, I believe, just where it was meant to go. I am told that I am a good person with good ideals. Fortunately, I married a man who holds dear the same beliefs I do, that one gives back to society for all that we have been given. That we are grateful for the life we live and the people who make our life more rich every day. That we have been blessed with wonderful children and grandchildren. So I think I am truly where I belong. I am a very lucky woman...who just happens to be a "babe".

With confidence and love,

Neelie

"Courtesy At School" Our Wonder Years

2007-12-25T10:17:00.001-05:00

My friend Leni Jane and her husband Michael were in California a couple of weeks ago. Leni Jane, whom I have known since Freshman year at Maine East High School in Park Ridge, IL, is a wonderful friend. She has enriched my life so much over the years. I doubt she realizes how much. Anyway, I digress as usual. When she came back from California, she emailed all of us her pictures from California. We have been out of high school for some time now.

There were 2 faces I immediately recognized and the rest were all a group of strangers. Funny how we change over the years. Of course, WE don't think we've changed, just everyone else has! I emailed her and said, "who are those people"? Leni Jane replied with everyones name. The memories just came flooding back. If we don't think about someone for a long time, it's as if they had no impact on our lives.

When we see them again, it's as if we had been in contact forever and amazingly, a new friendship starts. It is extraordinary! When many of us were in 6th grade at Ballard School (no longer there), we made a movie for Coronet Films which was a division of Encyclopedia Brittanica. The movie was an educational film called "Courtesy At School". The star of the film was, of course, the cutest boy in 6th grade...Tommy Hawkins. Now he is just Tom and looks exactly the same as he did when we were kids. Tom had a copy of the movie and showed it to Leni Jane and Michael.

Leni Jane, ever the organizer, wanted to know who we all were in the movie. You see, those of us who went to Maine East came from many different grammar schools. Leni Jane went to Lincoln, I think. But those of us at Ballard in 6th grade are in that movie.

I had a 35 mm copy for years which I recently sent to my friend Renee. Just before she got the copy I sent her, she had found our movie posted on the web at http://www.avgeeks.com/pivot/entry.php?id=165. Now, our Leni Jane who organizes all our reunions and is in touch with everyone who is still around from our enormous class of over 700 kids, wants to know who all was in this movie. The movie, is, as they say, a hoot!

Because of this moment in time, I have found a long lost friend, although, I'm not certain we were friends in the true sense of the word. We certainly were classmates from 6th to 12th grade. Now, I feel this strong sense of friendship...perhaps, it is just nostalgia. Whatever it is, it's nice.

Leni Jane has been emailing all of us to try to remember everyone who was in our movie. We have come up with many names, but not everyone. I suggested Leni Jane get in touch with Renee (you all know her from previous blogs). She has a mind like a steel trap and will remember almost everyone in the movie. I emailed her and, of course, she remembers so many of the kids, now grandparents in many cases, who were in our movie.

But the nicest thing that has happened to me, is the contact with Dwight. The reconnection is so nice. We have similar memories of those times, amazingly we are quite similar today. He has been married 3 times, unfortunately, he lost his 2nd wife at an age when they should have been planning a very long future. However, he is happily married again and has been for 17 years. He has grandchildren and sounds extremely happy. (What more could we want for the people who we knew when.)

We have been corresponding almost daily, sometimes just a quick note, sometimes more. I warned him, he would appear here. I don't think he minded. I am happy that he is happy. Now, if only I could find the rest of them...those people who appeared for a brief time in my life...from 6th to 12th grade.

What I wouldn't give to know where they all are. Are they happy? Did their lives turn out as they hoped? What a movie we could make now. Maybe we should..."Courtesy at School, The Sequel"!

If you are interested you should go to the site and watch this short, but actually, funny movie our 6th grade class at Ballard School in Des Plaines, Illinois made for Coronet Films.

Dwight, I'm so happy that you are happy...but watch out, The Dread Pirate Roberts may be lurking just behind the next corner.

With love on Christmas Day 2007,
Neelie

The 2 Most Important Words In The English Language

2007-12-20T16:48:00.000-05:00

The 2 most important words in the English language are "I am". With those 2 words we commit ourselves to whatever we wish to do. "I am the leader people are looking for." When we put these words before a declaratory statement, we are, in fact, creating an affirmation for ourselves.

Affirmations are very powerful! If we write affirmations and put them up where we can see them daily, they will become real. Our lives can significantly change by putting out positive energy everyday. The key is to truly believe your affirmation. They must be written in the present tense.

I choose...I am totally committed to...I am capable of...Think of how amazing our lives will be if we are constantly reinforcing our inner voices with positive talk. Then add prayer to what you want for yourself. Of course, using the same tense. Now you've added your spiritual belief to your affirmation, making it even more powerful.

Commit totally to what you want. I choose to be healthy and therefore, I'm going for a 25 minute walk every morning. Imagine if you will, going to bed at night and your last thought is I am waking up at 6:30 in the morning, completely refreshed and ready to have a very productive day. I think you will wake up refreshed and ready to conquer the world.

It is, also, important to remember to thank your higher power for all the gifts you have. Even those who do not believe they have any gifts or blessings should look around. They will find them. Are you healthy? Are the people you love healthy? Are you lucky enough to have a roof over your head? Do you have people in your life that you love, who love you?

Your life may not be exactly what you want right now, but it can be better. Your life can be exactly what you desire. Write down what you want, work toward your goals every day. Before you go to sleep at night, look at yourself in the mirror and tell you, that you "love" you. When you get into bed tell yourself how you're going to feel in the morning. When you give, do it with an open heart, expecting nothing in return.

Remember, just a smile can be a blessing for the stranger you encounter who has had no one to smile at him/her in a long time. Life itself is an extraordinary miracle. Celebrate it every day.

With love,

Neelie

Life Just Keeps Getting Better

2007-12-18T16:01:00.000-05:00

I believe that every day we have a choice. When we wake up, we can choose to "be happy" or we can choose "be miserable". Personally, I always choose to be happy. Extraordinarily it is when we choose to be happy, we are. Our choices are very important to how we live our life.

Have you ever noticed that when you are positive, everything that happens to you is, in fact, positive. Our minds are very strong and what we think and believe usually relates to our behavior. How others see us. I know this sounds simplistic, but the truth is, it is simple. Our thoughts create our behavior and the outcome of what we want for ourselves.

People who go around telling everyone how unhappy, miserable, broke, kids don't call, etc. usually are unhappy, miserable, broke and their kids don't call. Conversely, people who tell you that everything is wonderful, have everything. Health, happiness and kids who call! Many years ago, when I was quite young, I read a book called "The Magic Of Believing".

It was a time in my life when I needed some magic. That book taught me to be positive. To believe, truly believe that what I thought directly related to how the world would treat me. It was no surprise that I found a great job at a great salary and my life just got better every day. All because I changed my belief system.

The next time you have a negative thought, immediately replace it with a positive one and watch what happens. Your life will change before your eyes just because that voice in your head that talks to you, is now speaking positively. Affirming that you are worthy of everything you desire. Therefore, dear reader, as my friend Renee would say, "what have you got to lose". Try it. You might just discover that next year at this time...your life and you are in a better place.

Believing,
Neelie

Miracles

2007-12-09T14:09:00.000-05:00

This certainly is the season of miracles. For the Jews, the reclamation of the Temple in Jerusalem with oil for the ark that was only enough for 1 day, burned for 8 days, ergo the celebration of Chanukah. For the Gentiles, this is the season of the birth of Jesus Christ who many believe to be "The son of G-d", "The Messiah".

Even though it is the season of miracles, it is tarnished by the rush to buy, buy, buy, instead of appreciating the miracles all around us. I believe miracles happen every day. We are just too busy to notice that a miracle just happened. Perhaps it is the smile that a stranger gives you as you pass or the accident that was so close, but didn't happen. It might be the $10.00 bill you find in a purse or jacket you haven't worn for a while or maybe a piece of jewelry that you thought was gone for good. These don't seem like miracles, but they are.

Every day new lives are born...they are miracles. People meet for the 1st time and something clicks. They know they will be together forever. A friend from whom you haven't heard gets in touch. Young men and women fighting a war they have no business fighting, are spared, perhaps for just 1 more day, perhaps so they can go home to the ones that love them.

You see, I believe in miracles. I always have and everday that I get to share with people I love is truly a miracle. One for which I am incredibly grateful. So believe in miracles. Before you know it, you will start noticing them.

Miraculously,
Neelie

Kismet

2007-12-03T22:28:00.000-05:00

Have you ever met someone for the 1st time and immediately felt a connection. You can't stop talking to one another, you don't run out of things to talk about and feel as comfortable as if you had known them your entire life. I believe that when we meet someone with whom we instantly connect that we have known them in a previous life.

There are those of you who don't believe that we come this way many times...I do. Perhaps it is because I don't believe this is all there is. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I have been to foreign countries and somehow knew what was around the next corner, even though I had never been there before. I've also had feelings of dread in a city I've never been to, half way around the world and just knew that something terrible had happened to me there.

Maybe I just have a screw loose...of course, those of you who know me, probably would agree with that. But, I have, for my entire life, at least to my earliest memory, believed that I lived before and I believe that I will live again. It just seems incredulous that this amazing journey called life simply ends. Those who believe in past lives, believe that we come back until we learn all the lessons we are supposed to learn.

When one thinks about this, logically, it explains why there are those who have so much, while there are people who have nothing and yet manage to live a life worth living. This enormous disparity is not random. At least my belief system is such that I believe it is not random.

Think about Mozart who at the age of 4 wrote his 1st concerto. There are so many child prodigies, how do these children know what they know at such young ages. If you believe as I do, it is simply that they have been here before and learned these things. Whether it's playing an instrument or being able to do complex math problems or whatever skill they have at a very young age.

Back to "Kismet", when we are lucky enough to meet someone with whom we have an instant connection, it is not coincidence. But rather, meeting an old friend which is why we are so comfortable so quickly. I'm certain that like me, you have people in your lives, usually relatives that you have known forever and yet you've never truly been comfortable with them, they just don't fit as well as someone you have just met.

One doesn't have to believe as I do, just be aware the next time you meet someone new...are you immediately at ease? Do you have people in your life that you have known forever and yet feel as if you are strangers? All I ask is that you think about it. You don't have to agree and you probably don't...but it should make you think!

Been here before,
Neelie

Thoughts

2007-11-30T00:42:00.000-05:00

It is late and I am awake! I was asleep until Rocky decided to get off the bed and then return. For some reason, when I am asleep, he doesn't use his stairs to get up on the bed. Rather, he comes to the side of the bed and "harrumphes" until I hear him and pick him up. By then, of course, I am awake. If only he wasn't so cute.

Those of us lucky enough to have animals to share our life will understand. Pets enhance our life by giving us true, unconditional love. When you come home they are at the door wagging their tail and letting you know you are the most important person in their life. Imagine, if you will, your spouse standing at the door shaking all over with glee because you have returned home. Now that takes a great deal of imagination.

I'm not certain I would allow my husband to wake me in the night and help him back to bed. It's not that he doesn't love me...he just is not as effusive as Rocky or Bullwinkle in showing that kind of love. If only we humans could show our loved ones how excited we are when they return home, in the same way our pets do. Marriages would certainly never be dull. Perhaps more of them would last longer.

Late night thoughts are not always as profound as we think when we look at them in the morning, but here goes.

Wouldn't life be better if we stopped complaining and instead felt grateful for every moment we are given on this earth. Without complaining we could turn a bad situation on it's ear and see it for what it truly is, nonsense. We need to remember that our thoughts create our reality. What we put out into the world comes back to us.

Think how wonderful it would be to let the people we care about that they are IMPORTANT to us every day. Without them their would be a hole in our soul. We need to remember that they are our blessings in life, not things. How easy it is to get off track and forget that it's our loved ones that count more than a new bag or piece of jewelry or a car. I think if we have all our needs and some of our wants...we should be grateful.

Material things can never give us love. But somehow they have become more important all the time. Our vision has become skewed. We have forgotten how the simple joys in life can fill us with happiness.

I was born 2 years before the "baby boomers". We lived on the near west side of Chicago. Like most families in that era, we lived close to one another. Our extended family was usually only walking distance, sometimes as close as the stairs. When I would come home from school in the afternoon, I would run into the house and let my mother know I was home and immediately go upstairs to my Grandmother who always had a glass of milk tea and a game of Casino for me.

Those memories are tucked away deep in my soul and if I need a lift I reach for this memory. On terribly hot nights we would sleep out on the porch or even better take blankets down to the lake with all the other incredibly warm people, spread our blanket and sleep like babies with a cool breeze coming off Lake Michigan.

I remember my Cousin Mel and I sitting on the front steps and watching the old Palmolive Beacon go around. We lived close enough to downtown to see it. To us it was like magic, this wonderful light in the sky that would make this enormous circle every couple of minutes and then be back in our vision. Of course the Palmolive building is no longer in Chicago and the beacon stopped years and years ago. But the memory of if lingers and fills me with delight.

Holidays the entire family gathered at one of our homes. Our mothers always brought something to add to the extraordinarily large dinner. I remember the night my Aunt Ida was bringing the Challah's and handed 2 bags to my Uncle Bill, one with the Challah's and one with the garbage that was to be thrown out.

Of course, the garbage ended up at our house and the Challah's in the garbage can. My Uncle Teddy and Aunt Eve would arrive and Uncle Teddy would announce "okay, we can eat now". Our homes were incredibly small, but somehow there was always enough room at the table for everyone and everyone pitched in.

After dinner the adults would play penny poker and tell dirty jokes. We were always sent out of the room to play our own games. What the adults didn't know is that we would sneak up the back stairs to hear their jokes. It is amazing how tame they were compare to the jokes of today.

We were such innocents. Life was simple and easy. Doors were left unlocked until my Dad went to bed at night when he would "lock up". I remember on very cold Chicago nights how many times my Dad would find a homeless man and usually give him the coat off his back, but not before he brought him home to have a hot meal with us.

Money was always tight, but we never needed much, just one another. How lucky we were. Perhaps that is why we have always been able to make do and the youngsters of today just can't. They don't know how to struggle or accept "no" for an answer. They need the newest gadget or the newest pair of sneakers.

We hear of Bar and Bat Mitvahs and Sweet Sixteens that cost hundreds of thousand of dollars. What is wrong with us. How are able to teach our most precious commodity, our children, the value of hard work or for that matter, that it is people that matter not things.

So now that I have come back to almost where I began, it is time to say good night. Time to go to bed and hopefully in my dreams see all those that I have lost and remember them and our life then.

Sweet dreams,
Neelie

New Friends

2007-11-28T22:54:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I received an e-mail from an e-mail address I did not know. I wrote and asked "who are u"? "How did you get my e-mail address"? The response I got was "I don't know how I got your address". So we played a little "Jewish Geography". No connection but obviously we were meant to meet one another.

She is an extraordinary woman. Stacy is involved in so many community projects and not just from the sidelines, but right in the middle of the huddle. I believe G-d meant for her to come into my life to get me more involved in important community projects.

We are going to meet face to face this coming Monday and I am so excited. For without ever meeting her, she has become someone very important to me. Someone who has already blessed my life with her presence. For many years I worked full time so I didn't get too involved in anything other than Opera. I was a docent for Lyric Opera of Chicago for many years. I would go to the various chapters and talk about the operas of the upcoming season. Additionally, the night of performances restaurants that offered a package (dinner, lecture and bus to the Opera house) would have me come to give that evenings' lecture.

But my joy was "Opera In The Classroom". We would go into classes from 2nd to 6th grade once a week for 4 weeks and teach the children about the different vocal ranges, the vocabulary of opera, tell them the story of an Opera and the last week, we would bring costumes and the children would pantomime to the musical excerpts that they had heard the previous week while the story of the Opera was told. It was a very special time in my life.

Once again, I have to opportunity to get involved in something and hopefully bring some joy into other peoples lives by just being there. Most people don't realize that when you give of yourself, you receive blessings ten-fold back. I believe that Stacy has come into my life to help me give of myself and somehow bring joy and happiness to others.

Thank you the G-d of "no coincidences" for bringing me Stacy. Even though we only know one another through e-mail right now, I just know we are going to be friends forever. It is extraordinary how blessings work...just like miracles they are around us all day. every day. All we have to do is look for them.

Truly blessed,
Neelie

Giving Thanks

2007-11-26T15:09:00.000-05:00

It has been quite a while since I have written anything. Today seems like a good day to write. We just celebrated Thanksgiving. It should be a time for reflection not just a day we stuff ourselves with food. My feeling is every day should be a day to give "thanks". Just opening our eyes in the morning is a really good reason to give thanks. The alternative is not good.

Or as my southern belle sister-in-law says, when asked how she is, her reply is "above ground". I realize that many of us have great hardships in our lives, or are lonely, or broke. However, I've learned that it is easy to complain...it is hard to be thankful when it seems as if the sky is falling.

I've also realized that we bring into our lives what we desire most. If we want to be happy we have to be happy. There are days when this is simply not easy. But if you wake up determined to be happy today, put a smile on your face and sometimes just pretend to be happy...it is very likely that by the end of the day you, truly, will be happy.

I believe we create our own reality. The more good feelings we put out, the more we will get back. It is important to not allow negative people into our lives. The reality these people create is negative and therefor they are miserable and who wants to be around misery.

Many years ago I read a book called "The Magic of Believing". It came into my life when I needed something to believe in. I soon came to realize, I needed to believe in me. Once I did, my life changed because I had changed, at least something in my brain had changed the way I looked at life.

I had a neighbor who never learned that "how are you?" is usually a rhetorical question, unless it's your mother or best friend asking. She always told you the worst things that were going on in her life. This was a woman who was married to terrific man, they had all their needs and I'm certain almost all their wants. Yet, she was always miserable. They had just come home from a 3 week vacation to San Francisco and Napa Valley. I saw her outside and said, "how was your trip"?

Her reply was, "how could it be...I have to make the reservations, I have to do the packing, I have to get us to airport and check us in, I have to get us to the hotel and check us in and then I have to do it all over again to get home". Her husband was blind in 1 eye. I said to her, "Ellen, Ronnie (my husband) has 20-20 vision and I have to do the same thing". So you see, dear reader, it is all in our attitude.

We can choose to have a great day or we can choose to be miserable. For me, I will always choose the great day...even if it isn't so great, I will make it so. I choose to be thankful for all I have. I choose to keep my palm open in giving and therefore good things come back to me. I choose to remember the people I love and keep them in my prayers. I choose to be happy!

Thankfully,
Neelie

The State of Health Care

2007-10-07T15:35:00.000-04:00

2 weeks ago my husband was hospitalized for pneumonia as well as blood in his stool. Jim is 82 and in good health. He does, however, take Coumadin, a blood thinner, because he has atrial fibrillation. Upon his admission many blood tests were required, as well as x-rays of his lungs. They did not, however, collect a stool specimen to identify whether he was truly bleeding internally. The doctors simply did a digital exam and ascertained that since his stool was black, he was bleeding.

When one takes Coumadin, it is advised to have a Pro-thrombin time blood test taken. Today it is commonly called INR, International Normalized Ratio. This is the rate at which one's blood clots. A normal PT is between 2 & 3. When Jim's was taken, his PT was 44, which meant he had water, not blood flowing in his veins. It certainly could explain why he was bleeding internally.

The doctors claimed the inordinately high PT was due to his fever and pneumonia. Needless to say, they immediately started to treat the high PT. However, they simply missed on his admission papers that he had pneumonia and was to be treated with I.V. antibiotic immediately. We waited all that 1st day, no antibiotic. At 8:00 p.m. they advised that I would have to leave. I foolishly assumed they would start the antibiotic that evening.

After all, they had already run a line for an I.V. and had started giving him plasma. Upon my return the next day, I asked him if they ever gave him an antibiotic. He simply did not know, so I went to the Nurse's station to inquire. The head nurse was sitting at the station so I asked, "have you started my husband's antibiotic"? She looked at me as if I had 2 heads and replied, "no antibiotic was ordered, it is not on the Dr's admission sheet". When I suggested that they may have overlooked it, after all he was admitted with pneumonia, she said "we wouldn't miss that".

Of course, they did. I stood there and asked to see his admission form. Of course, our Doctor had ordered antibiotics to be started immediately. It was now 24 hours later. After a lot of excuses as to how they missed it...it wasn't written in the right place...the pharmacy should have picked it up, etc. I suggested that they order the antibiotic immediately and start administering it. Had I not been there to advocate for my husband, who knows how long he would have been in that bed without antibiotics for his pneumonia.

On Thursday the Gastroenterologists did an endoscope to see if they could find bleeding in his stomach. By this time he had been give 6 pints of plasma and they still could not get his PT down. However, they decided that as long as he had been on liquids all week and had found nothing on the endoscope that they would do a colonoscopy on Friday. So that evening they had him prepare for his colonoscopy. If you have not had one you don't know how miserable the prep is. The test is easy, you are under light sedation. The prep is horrid.

Add to this he is schlepping around a large IV machine with minimally 4 bags of IV on it and he is weak from both the pneumonia and only a liquid diet for 5 days. On Friday morning I called the Nurse's station to see if he was back from the colonoscopy. They told me he had gone down, but it wasn't done.

I called my husband to ask why they didn't do the test. He said "the doctor told me there is something wrong with my blood and they don't want to take any chances so they were calling in a hematologist". By Friday morning, he had received 10 pints of plasma and the doctors had been telling me he was severely anemic. When I heard that they were calling in a hematologist my heart started to race.

In my 1st life I was a Medical Technologist. My specialty was abnormal hematology or only those cases that did not have normal blood. So upon hearing that a hematologist had been called, along with all the plasma he had received and the fact that he was anemic and they still had not found the source of the bleed, or tested his stool to see if blood really was present...or if it was the blueberry blintzes he had eaten Saturday night that turned his stool black...I was certain they were suspicious of a serious anemia, Pernicious or Hemolytic Anemia...or that his spleen was not producing red blood cells or that he had a leukemia. I got in my car and raced to the hospital for fear of missing the hematologist.

I shouldn't have rushed. The doctor didn't come in until after 3:00 p.m. When he arrived and I expressed my concern about why he was called, he told me "it's only because his PT is still too high". It would have been so easy for the GI doctor in the morning to simply say, "your PT is too high, I don't want to take a chance that I may nick you and you will bleed". Instead, he had to frighten us by saying, "there is something wrong with your blood". "I am calling in a hematologist".

It is incredibly important that we know our bodies. That we ask questions when we are uncertain about our care. Most importantly, we have to remember that doctors are not G-d's, but human beings who are not always right and don't always do the right things.

On Saturday, they did a colonoscopy on Jimmy as well as an upper and lower GI. They never found the source of the bleed. Of course, they also never tested his stool to see if he really was bleeding or if it, in fact, was the blueberry blintzes on the previous Saturday. By Monday, one week after being admitted to the hospital, his pneumonia was much better and his PT was coming back to normal, so they discharged him.

However, I believe that enormous stress could have been prevented, as well as unnecessary testing, if only they had done 1 simple test...for occult blood in the stool. You see, by Wednesday, the 3rd day he was in the hospital, his stool had returned to it's normal color.

One has to wonder how many people are killed in hospitals every year because they have no one to speak for them and the nursing staff misses something on a chart. Doctors do, what may be, unnecessary testing because they don't do the right test to begin with, or patients are just ignored if there is no one with them to continually question what is being done.

Health care is costing us millions of dollars per year. One cannot be without insurance and yet our insurance determines how much doctors should be paid. Perhaps this is why the care we get is not always the best care.

Neelie

5768

2007-09-23T22:53:00.000-04:00

Last night as the sun set, we Jews finished the last of our High Holy Days, or what is called "The Days of Awe". Yom Kippur is the holiest day of the Jewish year, for it is on this day that we are inscribed in "Book of Life" for the next year. To be Sealed in the Book of Life requires reflection on the past year and making amends for any wrongs one has done in the past year.

We have 10 days to do this..."The Days of Awe", from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur. We are to use this time right any wrongs we have done, make amends to anyone we might have hurt. For we are to come before G-d with a clean slate, as it were. Were we kind? Were we thoughtful? Did we gossip about a neighbor? Perhaps, we did something worse. Perhaps we were unkind to our parents (if we are lucky enough to still have them). The 10 commandments tell us we are to "Honor our Mothers and Fathers".

Were our transgressions worse? Did we cheat or steal? All of these must be made right if we are to be Sealed in the Book of Life for the coming year. On Yom Kippur we fast for 25 hours. No food, no water. Nothing is to pass our lips. This is one of 4 fast days we have a year, but this is the most important one. For doing this helps us to atone for any sins we may have committed in the past year. It also allows us to realize that we can do anything we truly set our mind to, we don't have to give in to temptation.

This New Year is 5768. It is the 1st time in many years that I have joined a Temple and have participated in services. I have always believed in G-d, always considered myself spiritual but have felt for a very long time that something has been missing from my life.

What was missing was an affiliation with a Temple and celebrating all our Sabbaths, all our holidays. Last night when the Shofar (Ram's horn) sounded to close out the "Days of Awe", to end Yom Kippur, my soul was full.

It is extraordinary that we Jews are still here 5,768 years old. Why is it extraordinary? Because it seems that for almost all the years we have been on earth, someone has been trying to kill us. Hitler almost succeeded. After all, he killed 6 million of us and yet we still survive.

The State of Israel is approximately the size of New Jersey and yet it continues to thrive in a very hostile area. Our Torah survives. Every time it is brought out of the ark and we read the stories of the Old Testament, it is a thrill. This great, sacred Torah has survived for all these years. The story of Abraham, Issac and Jacob. The story of the exodus from Egypt or as we read yesterday from Leviticus, what we are supposed to do...the law.

How is it possible that in spite of all the hatred of the Jewish people we survive? Just looking at the continuation of the Jewish Religion, for 5,678 years is a miracle. I was lucky enough to be part of this miracle during this Holy season. Hearing the sound of the Shofar. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by people whom I love and who love me. I was lucky enough to live to see another year and pray for the next one. All the while, wondering and anxiously awaiting the adventures that I will have in this coming year.

5768. That is the year on the Jewish Calendar. We are almost at the end of the reading of the Torah and when we finish the reading of the Torah next month, we will celebrate another year of reading the Torah and roll it up and start at the beginning once more. This sacred document resides in the Ark until it is time to take it out for the reading. How lucky we are to have these amazing stories to help shape us as a people and move us individually.

I go to sleep now and pray as I always have, but now, I really believe G-d is listening. One of my favorite phrases is, "Pray as if everything depended on G-d, Act as if everything depended on you." This is how I pray and now it fills my soul.

Feeling fullfilled,
Neelie

Living Well

2007-09-23T21:52:00.000-04:00

As we get older it isn't always easy to like what we see in the mirror. My girlfriend Renee put it into perspective last week in a way that only she can. "Maybe my 'packaging' isn't as nice as it once was, but that's okay because the inside, where it counts, as far as I'm concerned, is still, and will always be, beautiful."

She is so right. The years fly by...it is almost as if it all were a dream! Where have all the years gone and why didn't we use the time for efficiently. I believe that we used the time as we were supposed to. Of course, I am a "fatalist". My belief is that our lives are basically charted out for us when we are born. This doesn't mean we don't have free will. We do. There are many roads in the chart that is created when we are born...our free will allows us to take the different roads. Not always the right one, but the one that brings us to the place we are supposed to be in our lives.

We wake up one morning and discover that we are just a short trip away from Medicare. How did we get here so fast and where was I while it was all happening? I'll tell you where we were. Right here, living! When you are living, you are not necessarily paying attention as the days flash by. The big events in our life, we plan for months and in a few short hours they are over, whether it is the birth of a baby, a Bar/Bat Mitzvah, a wedding, an anniversary...whatever it is. We plan and then it's over.

That's the way it is supposed to be. These are what make our memories. These are what we take to old age. These wonderful, and sometimes not so wonderful, memories. How lucky we are to have them. How comfortable they are on a cold, lonely night. How loved we feel by our memories.

So, it's not so terrible to get old. The alternative is worse. It is better to have lived our lives as fully as possible and wrap ourselves in our memories as well as the love we have felt and hopefully still have. Of course, our memories are not always what they had been.

Sometimes your mind reaches for a word or a phrase and it isn't there. Our we walk to another room to get something and forget what we went for. That's when we start to worry...is it Alzheimer's? Of course not, it's simply that we weren't concentrating or that we have so much junk shoved into our brains, we don't always remember. My girlfriend Renee told me a very funny story about being forgetful.

She said,"my very favorite forgetful story is about ten years ago Adrienne and I were talking then about how we forget things and can't remember so much. Then one day I found this really great article on Alzheimer's and I thought, 'ooh, this is really interesting' and so I sent it to my sister. She called me when she got it and said, 'I just sent this to you last week'!"

Adrienne is Renee's younger sister and like the rest of us is growing older. Unfortunately, about a month ago her husband, Bob, to whom she has been married forever was diagnosed with lung cancer. We are all praying and Bob is getting wonderful treatment. So once again, life shows us, don't blink. Because in that blink, life can and often will change. There is a saying, "man plans and G-d laughs".

I've heard it since I was a kid. I believe it, for we never know what is around the next corner. So keep living your life. Kick up your heels, celebrate every day and love deeply and strongly. For we don't know what tomorrow will bring, but whatever it brings we will still be beautiful!

Living well,
Neelie

Living

2007-09-16T12:36:00.000-04:00

I heard a Kenny Chesney song the other day. The song could have been written from my blog. It's called, "Don't Blink". I'm certain that somewhere in my blog I've written that. I know I say it all the time to young women and men who have small children with them or a baby.

I always say, don't blink. For when you do, life just flashes by. I'm certain that somewhere I wrote about my girlfriend Renee. We have been friends since we were 11 years old. I won't tell you how many years that is, but dinosaurs were walking the earth when we met.

She and I were sitting in my mother's kitchen, both with new babies in our laps...we were all of 20 years old. Renee said, "you know 10 years ago we were 10 and 10 years from now we will be 30...can you believe that". Well, we both blinked and life has flashed by so quickly our babies are in their 40's, while she and I remain in our 20's.

There are moments when one looks back on one's life and it feels like a dream because it has all gone so quickly. Don't blink. I remember another time in my mother's kitchen...it was her 30th birthday and she was so depressed that she was no longer in her 20's. She looked at me and said, "just wait, you will understand when you hit 30". I didn't understand when I was 30 for I have been grateful for every birthday...it beats the alternative.

My mom is now 82 and beautiful. She is possibly more beautiful than she ever has been. I would like to say she is more serene, but one can't have everything. She is who she is and may she never change. It just doesn't seem fair that when we finally become comfortable with who we are, our bodies are falling apart.

I love to walk around naked. My husband calls me "the naked Contessa" because I frequently am completely naked with jewelry on. Oh, of course, I'm getting ready to go out. The other night he looked at my naked body (believe me, it's not so beautiful) but he thinks so. Love does that,
it allows us to look a the person we love and truly see them with rose colored glasses. We don't see their wrinkles or that they've aged. We only see the person we love.

The only problem with my walking around naked is that my breasts are not where they used to be...high and proud. What's most amazing, is when I had a beautiful body I wouldn't think of walking naked through my home...I just didn't have enough confidence. But today, with age, I have all the confidence one could possibly hope for. I believe I am beautiful even though I don't have the face and figure I had in my 20's, 30's and 40's.

Age does that for us...it seems to boost our self esteem. Such a shame that as young people we are always so worried about other people and how they view us. Then we get to an age where we just don't care what other people think...it's very liberating.

So, living is good. Experience is better and we only acquire it by living. So live every day as if it is your last. When you say "I love you" mean it. Apologize, don't be too proud. Count your blessings and not what you don't have. Most of all, love yourself. Because in the end, we are all we have.

Living every day,
Neelie

The Days of Awe

2007-09-08T23:35:00.000-04:00

Tonight we began the 10 days known as the "Days of Awe". They start with Selichot, which literally means forgiveness. Then we move on the Rosh Hashanah and end with the holiest day of the year, the day we are inscribed in the "book of life" for another year, Yom Kippur.

These 10 days are time for introspection into our lives. How do we treat people, how do we treat our families, are we givers or takers. It is a time for us to change, to grow, to be better people. I have always felt that G-d plays an important part in my life, for I believe G-d is in all of us and for better or worse, I need to believe.

There is a wonderful saying from our Friday night prayer book, "Pray as if everything depended on G-d, Act as if everything depended on you". I believe that in this frightening time we live in these are incredibly important words.

Tonights service was moving and touching in ways that are almost impossible to describe. My soul is full and I wish everyone could feel this way. It sounds simplistic, even sophomoric, but it is true. For one brief moment in time, everyone in that Temple tonight felt the spirit of G-d.

My wish is for the world to be as one. For people to remember we are all the same race...human. That no matter what we call G-d, no matter if you believe, if we were just more kind to one another every day, life could be better for everyone, even those who hate us.

In awe,
Neelie

The High Holy Days

2007-09-07T22:37:00.000-04:00

Tonight we were in Temple celebrating the Sabbath. I always forget how important Temple is to me. The extraordinary joy in the simple celebration of the Sabbath is almost bewildering, for it fills my soul in a way nothing else can.

It has never mattered where I am or who I am with when I am in Temple. For it is there that I truly feel G-d's presence. It isn't that I don't think about G-d when I am not in Temple, it is just that when I am there, in the house of worship, that I feel G-d's arms around me. I know we can get very existential here and ask if there truly is a G-d.

For each of us it is different and very personal. There are those people who say man created G-d and others, such as me, who believe in evolution and yet believe in a power greater than all of us. Many would argue that if there truly were a G-d we wouldn't have the horrors we have in this world. I would have to disagree and say, "G-d gave us free will and the terrible things that we do to one another are frequently in the name of G-d". Just look at the terrorists.

This Islamic Jihad is the most frightening time I have ever spent on this earth. These people want to see all westerners and non-believers dead. They march through the streets with placards that decry Western civilization and tell us that a "true holocaust" is coming unless we accept their way of life.

They outnumber us, they certainly could cause and have caused terrible tragedies in this world in the name of their G-d...who isn't a G-d but a prophet. How can people have so much hate in their souls. I guess I will have to add them to my prayers. Perhaps G-d can show them the way to peace and not to hate.

These next couple of weeks are called the "days of awe". They must have been for many and hopefully they still are for those of us who believe, for those of us who still feel "awe". All one has to do is look at a newborn to be filled with awe. Biology is incredible...so which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I know that I shall be very introspective these next few weeks, in between making gefilte fish and challahs and everything that goes with them. It will be a time to count my blessings (many) repent my sins (few) and pray that everyone I love will be well and happy for another year. And so, dear reader, I wish you a happy, healthy and sweet New Year. Let's try and fill it with peace.

Looking inward,
Neelie

Old Friends

2007-09-06T22:33:00.000-04:00

I received an e-mail tonight from an old friend...or should I say "friend of long duration", because we are anything but old. We were friends in grade school and high school, back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth.

Something wonderful happens when we keep in touch with people we knew when. We go back to when. You know "when we were young" and the biggest responsiblity in our lives was getting up to go to school. There is a joy that I feel when I hear from an old friend. I guess because that voice, even if it is an e-mail, can take me right back to those days.

If we only knew then what we know now, but that is not the nature of living. For it is in the "living" that we grow to become who we are supposed to be. If we don't taste the sour, how will we ever know what sweet tastes like. Life is like that. We have to go through many experiences to become the person we are today. Some experiences are wonderful, many are not. However, all these times mold us and help us grow.

The lucky ones of us get through the fire unscathed and come out the other side better than we could have imagined when, you know, when we were young. I remember my mother saying to me, "if you would only listen to me". "I've been there, my experience can help you."

Would it were, that their experiences, their life lessons could have molded us. As parents we want to make life easier for our children. But the truth is, we all have to feel the pain or the joy ourselves, so when we are not so young, the decisions we make will be right. Perhaps, not right all the time, but most of the time.

For those of us lucky enough to live a full life, we have many battle scars. Thankfully, most of them don't show. However, once in a while something touches one of those scars and we feel the pain again just as we did the 1st time. Tonight I was reminded that we don't all get to live a full life.

Too many people in my life left too early. Too early to see the accomplishments of my siblings as well as mine. Too early to know grandchildren and the joy they bring. Too early to live a "full and rewarding" life. Those are scars that never truly heal. We just bandage them and move on.

So tonight I am grateful to have heard from this dear old friend, for he has allowed me to go back to that innocent time of our lives. To remember all the fun we had as kids at Oketo Park and at each others houses. I am filled with joy tonight because I got something as simple as an e-mail. Thank you Michael.

With love,

Neelie

Forgiveness

2007-08-31T04:54:00.000-04:00

Forgiveness is extremely liberating. It appears I've never truly had to forgive before now. I've written about the difficulty of being married to an abuser and the subsequent divorce. This past week-end I was looking for pictures of landscapes to paint. This involved going through myriads of pictures I've taken over the last 30 years. While doing so I relived a lifetime. The life I lived with Ronnie.

I didn't find a lot of landscapes, even though we had been all over the world, what was there was pictures of a life. There were pictures of us before going to a formal event, parties that we had given, family dinners at our house, barbeques with friends. Pictures of a life, one I no longer have. The sadness that filled my heart was extraordinary and unexpected.

However, in addition to the sadness, was anger. Anger that he allowed this 26 year marriage to die so easily and made no attempt to help save it. The divorce was his final hurt. For not only did he take away my life, he took all the assets we had accumulated over 26 years and truly left me destitute. (Fortunately, I've been there before and as hard as it is to go back to being broke, I made it.)

By Monday, I was so filled with anger and pain that I had to call and ask him why. Why he didn't want to save our marriage? Why he hid all our assets to insure that his way of life would not change? During that phone call I realized 2 things; 1. that we both still have extraordinary love for each other and 2. he couldn't help what he did because that is who he is.

He has remarried a very wealthy woman who has no children, has never been married and he doesn't ever have to work again because he hid all the money and assets we had and now he has her and her family money. Oh, and she is an only child, albeit no longer a child, but will inherit all the assets from her very wealthy family.

Ronnie has changed. Extraordinary, but true! I realized he treats her with respect because she has the "gold" and whoever has the "gold" rules. So he is respectful and different with her. At first I was conflicted. Why could he not be that way with me and our children? Then I realized, he couldn't because he had gotten away with it for so long.

That realization led me to different thinking. I am truly happy that he has, the life he apparently always wanted and that I could finally forgive him for all the past hurts. I read somewhere that "anger eats up the vessel it lives in". I no longer want to be the vessel for all that anger.

So I called him yesterday and told him how happy I am that he has the life he wants, that he and his eldest son are seeing one another again and he is spending time with our 2 granddaughters for the 1st time in 6 years. That phone call healed my heart. It is no longer filled with all that anger, it is filled with forgiveness.

Always learning,
Neelie

When Life Throws You A Curve!

2007-08-30T19:20:00.000-04:00

It seems that when we least expect it, life changes. Sometimes our lives change for the better and sometimes for the worst. Every moment is so precious because we never know when a change is coming. I haven't written for months. In December I had foot surgery and was in a cast for 3-1/2 months and really not able to sit at the computer to write.

No sooner had I become mobile again when my mother became ill. It was a life changing experience. My mother had shingles. We've all known people who have had the disease. The pain is incredible and can last for months or even years. Generally the rash is on the abdomen or around the hips.

Not my mom. She always does things a little better than anyone else. (In this case, it was much worse.) My mom had shingles down her right arm. For those of you who don't know what shingles is, it is herpes zoster. The same disease we know as chicken pox. If one has had chicken pox, as those of us pre vaccine, we have this virus sitting in our bodies ready to attack. It can be brought on by stress and that is usually what brings it on. It is not contagious if you have had chicken pox. However, if you have never had the disease you should not be near anyone with shingles. This applies especially to babies.

Shingles start in the spinal column and then work their way down the nerve endings, ergo the pain. My mom had the rash on her right arm. It was diagnosed very quickly so she never had the blisters that can accompany the disease. However, what happened to her was so much worse than just the pain. Because it went down her arm, she completely lost the use of her right arm. Overnight she went from complete independence to one who was completely dependent on others for her care and the care of my 91 year old dad.

April, May, June and July were lost months for all of us. Every day there were doctors appointments, either for mother or dad. Physical Therapy when she was finally ready for it was 3 days per week. My calendar was filled with appointments daily. My life as I knew it stopped when I became a caretaker.

Everything revolved around their care. Getting them to the doctors, taking notes because she was so drugged up for the pain that she couldn't remember anything, getting them home. Walking the dog, putting out the garbage and recycling for pick-up and all the little things that one does for oneself but can no longer do. By the time I got home at night all I could do was wash my face, brush my teeth and fall into bed, because at 6 or 6:30 the next morning it would begin again.

I have new respect for caretakers. They are truly the unsung heroes. So many adults my age are taking care of aged parents and working and trying to live a life. We don't hear about them but perhaps you know 1 or 2 people who are in this situation. If you do, ask what you can do to help...even if it is only to make a meal to bring in or a cup of coffee. Just the kindness goes a long way.

Happily, as of last week, my mom regained the use of her arm. She is the independent woman she has always been and how wonderful for her and my dad. My life is back to normal as is hers. However, I learned a very important lesson...even in tragedy their can be blessings. It was truly a blessing to be with them every day and to listen to how smart and funny my dad is and how infuriating my mom can be. When life is "normal" we don't spend that much time with the people we love so much.

Therefore, I think the lesson is, spend time with the people you love, as much time as you can because you never know when life is going to throw you a curve.

Counting my blessings,
Neelie

Learning To Love Ourselves

2006-12-18T16:08:00.000-05:00

I see it has been more than one month since I've written anything. I received an e-mail from someone who read my blog. She, too, has been in an abusive relationship. Good for her that she has escaped! It truly is an escape because the abuser is so conniving and constricting and controlling.

My heart aches for her because she is alone in a new city and has no one to reach out to her. So somehow she was lead to my blog and reached out to me. I hope I hear from her again, there are so many things I can tell her. The more she reaches out to people, even strangers, the less she will think about her abuser.

I suggested she try a woman's shelter. Not only for counseling but for volunteer work because as we give of ourselves we find so much inside that we didn't even know we possessed. It is important to remember that "God made us and God doesn't make junk", that is if you believe in a higher power. If you don't then it is enough to believe that we all deserve to be treated well and if someone doesn't treat us well, shame on them.

They are the ones with a problem and we need to remember our worth and that no one, NO ONE, may ever treat us badly. If people in our lives are negative...get rid of them. Only keep the people around who treat you kindly and with love. It is amazing when one starts to think more of oneself, how many wonderful people are drawn to us.

So keep thinking good thoughts about yourself. Put into the universe what you want to come back to you and, surprisingly, it will. In a season when no one wants to be alone there are places to go and volunteer your time and you will find that not only are you not alone, but you will find a happiness and peace within yourself that you didn't know existed. Remember we are only alone if we allow ourselves to be. There are so many people who need comfort and help at this time of year...give of yourself and you will fill your soul with magic.

Magically,
Neelie

Life Changing Experiences

2006-11-09T21:51:00.000-05:00

We can't have enough life changing experiences. They are what make us who we are. Our struggles forge our souls...sometimes better, sometimes worse. My last post told you a little bit about my ex-husband. He is an alcoholic and worse, a verbally abusive man.

However, when I examine my life, I realize my father was a verbally abusive man. He belittled all of us. My mother, all my siblings, actually anyone who got in his way. This type of abuse is soul changing. One starts to believe what is being said to them and about them. It is what becomes the foundation for every relationship in our lives.

It was normal to have screaming and ranting in our home. Therefore, I grew up thinking this was normal. I didn't like it, but there is a comfort level in sameness. Even when the sameness is crazy. I always wonder if we are doomed to constantly repeat the lessons we've learned as children.

Fortunately, I was not a verbally abusive parent. But the only men I was drawn to were verbally abusive. That was my comfort zone as sick as it was. As I moved into my 50's I realized this was not a normal way to live. That is when I started to move away from the abuse I had lived with my entire life. It took until late in my 50's to realize there must be a better way to live. That one didn't have to be abused, either verbally or physically to exist. Even when that is the only way one knows.

There are days I wish things had been different. There are days I long for my ex-husband as sick as that is. There are those days when I wish, I wish he had only said "please tell me what to do and I will do it"! He never said those words, he dug in his heels and said "you want a divorce, fine".

It wasn't fine, it isn't fine. Love just doesn't shut off like the faucet at the sink. Love lives in our hearts even when our hearts have been ripped out of our chests. It took courage to divorce. I had been with him for almost 26 years. What would my life be without him. For even though he was very abusive, he was funny and charming sometimes.

Extraordinary how evil people can be so charming. But he was and there are days I miss him so much I ache. That in itself is so sad because I have a wonderful life now with a wonderful man who is sweet and kind. For the 1st time in my life, I truly believe I deserve to be treated well. We all deserve to be treated well and if we aren't, we need to ask why are treating me badly?

There truly can be a happy ending, we just have to search for it no matter how elusive happy can be.

Constantly changing,
Neelie

Lessons

2006-11-04T21:57:00.000-05:00

My son Mark, who lives in Northbrook, IL with his beautiful wife, Marguerite, their 2 daughters, Nicole and Brooke (my wonderful granddaughters), came to visit today. I haven't seen Mark since August when we were in Chicago. Once again, time flies!

Mark directs commercials. We knew he had talent when he was young and could draw anything. To see this talent develop the way it has, is truly remarkable. When I look at him my heart fills with so much love I almost feel as if I will explode. He is such an extraordinary man. He is the most amazing father to his girls, a terrific husband to his wife and a wonderful son.

Mark has a biological mother who raised him until he was 16. At that time, he came to live with his father (my former husband) and I, along with his younger brother Cary. To say our house was chaotic would be the understatement of the century.

Living in our home was my ex, my son Aaron, our Saint Bernard, Bernie and our cat Precious. Soon Mark, Cary, Sunshine (a sheltie) and Rascal (a rascal of a cat) moved in. Life was not the same and hasn't been since. It's better.

My former husband was an abuser. Not with his hands but with his mouth. Verbal abuse leaves scars just like physical abuse. However, while verbal abuse destroys your soul, it leaves no physical marks. Just scars all over your psyche.

He abused our children as well as me. However, the children were the innocent victims. I walked in with my eyes wide open. The pity is I didn't pull them away immediately. I am not certain why we stay with people who abuse us. In my gut, I believe we just become so accustomed to the abuse we don't know any other way to live.

Now that I am older and (I hope) wiser, I realize what a mistake it was to stay. I see what the abuse has done to my sons. What is amazing is that they are all so SANE! They, unlike their father are not abusers. The legacy does not have to continue.

My son Mark has proven that. He is the kind of father that every child should have. His oldest, Nicole, 11 years old, knows there is nothing she can't talk about with her dad. She knows he will always love her, even if he has to discipline her. She knows his love will always be there for her. He makes her feel safe.

He does the same for Brooke who is 3 now. Mark may not be my biological son but he is the son of my heart. I look at him with pride and thank the powers that be that he has become a Man! A wonderful, loving human being, in spite of the abuse that was piled on him.

Mark has a talent for bringing out the best in everyone. Whether they are acting in one of his commercials or students in one of his spinning classes, Mark makes them feel special. Mark makes me feel special and I'm the Mom.

How wonderful, that no matter how old we are, we can learn lessons. Especially loving ones from our children.

Learning,
Neelie

The Joy of Giving

2006-11-03T00:59:00.000-05:00

It is important to savor the small moments in life. Those times when we truly feel satisfied. It helps us to feel validated as humans. For years I was a docent (speaker) for Lyric Opera of Chicago. As such, I would go around the greater metropolitan area of Chicago and had the extreme joy of telling the stories of the Operas of the season while playing excerpts of the music the audience would hear.

It was an extraordinary 15 years of my life. As much as I thought I knew about Opera, when I was doing the research on the Operas being performed that year, I always learned something new. My greatest joy came from teaching the children through a program called "Opera in the Classroom". We would go in to classes from 2nd to 6th grade.

One week at a time with various teaching tools that allowed them to hear the sounds of Opera. The last 2 weeks of the 4 week program involved the telling the story of an Opera while playing short excerpts of the music. The following week the children would dress in costumes (generally things we found at the Salvation Army, Husband's old shirts and ties, Skirts and bonnets for the girls. As well as all the accessories needed. Fans, muffs, swords (play of course) guns ( plastic) and whatever props were necessary for the performance.

Frequently, the Principal of the school would make it an event that the entire school would get to see in the form of an assembly. It was the most wonderful thing I have ever done with time next to raising my children and running a very successful business. For many years, after I retired from the program, because my business grew so rapidly, I would see these young people who were now grown.

They would run into me in airports around the world, restaurants or at trade shows. The immediate response was, "do you remember me"? You came to my 3rd grade class, or 4th or 5th, etc., and taught so much about the Opera that I am now a season ticket holder.

At the end of each class there was "immediate gratification". However, years later when I would see these young people and know that they were enjoying something so wonderful because of the few hours I donated a week to teaching them, that was "everlasting gratification".

It seems the most wonderful times we have in life in when we are giving of ourselves. We receive so much more back in return.

Remembering,
Neelie

Perfection

2006-10-31T11:10:00.000-05:00

It seems that persistence can be a good thing. You can now find my blog quite easily at blogannounce.info under Livestyle. It took me awhile and 3 attempts. But they finally listed it. They are correcting the spelling to "Lifestyle" as it should be. You see we are not all perfect...most of us not even close.

And who would want to be perfect. Imagine how difficult life would be. One couldn't leave one's home unless we looked "perfect". Our children (if we had them) would have to "perfect". Nothing could ever be out of place and life would be no fun at all. We'd be too busy trying to be perfect.

My belief is that we all have parts of us that are perfect and that should be enough! Remember life is meant to be lived as well as we can live it. Warts and all! Laughter and joy should be our mantras.

For without laughter and joy we are truly poor. With these 2 qualitities we can achieve anything we want, because we will look at life differently. Just always remember you are a ''STAR". We all are. We don't have to be celebrities, but we do have to STAR in our own lives. (In other words, be present).

Starring,
Neelie

A New Home

2006-10-31T08:41:00.000-05:00

I know I've told you all about Ricky and Lucy our 2 goldfish. She is a redhead and he is dark and latin looking, ergo their names. Yesterday they got a new home. Their move was almost as difficult as my last move in January.

They didn't have to do any of the work. I did! I moved them from a 20 gallon tank, which they were rapidly outgrowing, to a 33 gallon tank. It is quite gorgeous. This tank is a cube, rather than a long rectangle.

Of course, they have the premier spot in the house. Directly under the wine rack and over the wine cellar. So anytime they feel the need to have a drink they either reach up or down, but only in my or their fantasies, since we know they cannot breathe out of the water. Besides, they have no thumbs or fingers for that matter. How would they open a wine bottle. They couldn't even manage the new screw tops.

Moving is a trauma for anyone including the fish. I was exhausted after hauling out the water and plants and gravel from the old tank, up and down the ladder and then cleaning out the old tank. Then, of course, you have to wash the gravel, put it into the new tank and then refill it. Move the gravel around so it looks beautiful, put in their plants and their new home inside their home.

I think the place is very stylish. Apparently, they do too. They were still alive this morning and seem to be enjoying the additional space.

So, it seems, moving isn't all that bad after all. We just get used the "sameness" of things. We think about the hard work of a move, the packing and getting rid of junk we haven't used in years...but it turns out to be really good thing.

Life is always a series of change in one way or another, whether for us or the "fish". We feel as if we won't survive and are then surprised by how wonderful it is and why it took us so long after all. As has been said before, change is good. It's good for the head, the heart and the soul. If only we didn't fight it so hard and just went with the current, we would see, we almost always end up in a better place.

Changing daily,

Neelie

Change Is Good

2006-10-28T19:27:00.000-04:00

Oh how we resist change. For the last year, we have been driving back and forth to Ft. Lauderdale every other week. We have been making this 1 hour drive each way to go to the beauty shop. I always said, I would stay until my manicurist left.

Last Tuesday, she left. Wednesday I went to the beauty shop 5 minutes from our new house. It is a wonderful, full service salon. Thursday, Jimmy and I had manicures and pedicures (the pedicure chairs have a whirlpool massage). I asked if we could rent them by the hour our feet felt so good.

We had terrific manicures and pedicures. Today was the true test, hair! Not that my hair takes any great doing. I wear it so short and get it cut every 2 weeks. But you know how we women are. If men don't get a good haircut, they put on a hat. We girls complain and cry about it for a week. Fortunately, I received a good haircut. It may take him a couple of weeks to get it right, but it's short...so who cares.

Everyone at the salon is so nice. They offer every service imaginable and make it very homey. Who knew change could feel this good.

So the lesson for today is, even though we may want to resist change...why not try. It frequently turns out better than we expect.

Feeling great about myself,
Neelie

The Grandkittens

2006-10-27T23:49:00.000-04:00

My adopted daughter Liz (she adopted me much to my delight) found 5 baby kittens in one of her window wells, 5 weeks ago. The mother cat had abandoned them. Of course, the mother cat has had a number of litters in this same window well. Perhaps she just got tired of taking care of them.

So Liz and the girls have been caring for them. Liz went to the pet store and got baby bottles with formula for the babies. Their little eyes were still closed and they weren't even 1 lb. She stayed up at night to feed them and care for them.

When Jimmy asked her if she felt like Grandmother, Mom or Midwife, Liz replied, "No, just like with my kids, the maid"! She has been a wonderful mommy to the kittens, unfortunately 2 of them were just not strong enough to make it and now lay in repose in the backyard under their own little headstones.

Every day brings new and exciting stories about these wonderful little creatures. I remember when my son Aaron, was little, we brought home a black kitten. Next door to us lived a Rabbi who came home and saw Aaron and I with the kitten on our porch. The Rabbi said, "isn't it wonderful". "God makes all babies adorable so someone will take care of them". He was a pretty smart Rabbi.

Back to Liz and the kittens. Last week the Vet suggested she introduce food other than formula to the kittens. There are 2 girls and a boy. One girl is black, the other boy and girl are Gray. The big boy took some of the kitten chow with milk and then lay in the milk. Now all 3 are eating the kitten chow and lying in the milk. Obviously, it makes them feel good, or they heard that a milk bath is good for your skin! When they finish eating or when Ms. Black Kitten, finally moves so the other 2 can eat, they are so dirty, that Liz immediately puts them in the kitchen sink where they luxuriate in a bath...who says Cats don't like water. These 3 do!

Every day brings a new kitten story. I think it's time to name them and have suggested the black one be called Tabitha, the other girl Endora and the boy Darren. Liz said after looking at him, that he did remind her of the original Darren on "Bewitched".

Emily sent me a picture that was taken with her cell phone of her holding 2 of the kittens. They are so adorable...just like the Rabbi said, "who wouldn't want to take care of them"!

Bubby to 3 kittens,

Neelie

"Time Goes by so quickly"

2006-10-27T22:59:00.001-04:00

Do you ever wonder how we got here so quickly. Yesterday I met a little girl. When I asked her age she said, "I'm 7-3/4". Can you imagine saying, "I'm 55-3/4, or 42 -1/2, or 90-1/4"! When we are young time moves so slowly. Yet as we age...it just flies by.

We moved into our new home January 7, 2006. We have been living in the house for 10 months already, yet it seems as if it were yesterday that we closed on the house and then moved in.

Probably none of us would trade our years for the knowledge we now have to have the bodies we once had or the faces we had before time took its toll. But just for one moment wouldn't you like to go back to one special day, one special hour and relive it?

Do you suppose it would be as special as it is in hindsight or was it just the memory of that moment? Remember the book "The Time Machine" or the movie "A Moment in Time". What is your favorite memory?

Doesn't it make you feel all warm inside when you think of it? Was it your 1st kiss, your 1st love, your 1st day of school, the birth of your 1st child? Or is it the memory of love lost, never to be found again.

I look at myself at 18 and wonder if I knew the woman I would become or how my life would play out? I wonder if I've played my hand well or if there are still many hands to yet be played? It appears I'll just have to take it one day at a time and try to make the most of it.

Remembering,
Neelie

Saved by Google

2006-10-27T18:33:00.000-04:00

Want this badge?

Idiot "Again"

2006-10-26T23:41:00.000-04:00

Want this badge?

Project Red is not a charity, it is simply a business model. You buy Project Red stuff. (Motorola, AmEx, Gap, Armani, Converse, Apple) Project Red gets the money. It then buys the pills and distributes them. Sick people in Africa take the pills, stay alive. And continue to take care of their families and contribute socially and economically in their communities.

It seems I spent most of today trying to get my "ads" back up on my blog. They were there 2 days ago when I was trying to put on that link. Somehow the HTML for the ads from ADSENSE were erased...trust me, not by me. I'm not that smart. The only thing I know about HTML is it means HYPERLINK something...I'll hyperlink something.

I just read someone else's blog. Boy is she a mess! Poor girl. Seems to be problems all over her life. She has just got to turn that around or life is going to seem very looooonnnng!!! Not for good reasons.

I can tell her that just when you think something awful has happened, life turns around faster than you can blink. But you have to be positive and not dwell in your misery. There are just people out there that only know how to be miserable. Call me a "Pollyanna" if you will, but if you don't have a positive attitude and believe magic will happen...it never will! For me, magic happens every day. Even on a day like today when I don't know anything about HTML.

I better write this girl and tell her "life is short". Change the things that are bad now or you'll never enjoy anything. She will just dwell in her misery. What fun is that. Waiting for something to happen to make you happy. You will never be happy. You must find your joy every day.

Perhaps her blog is just the way she vents. We all need an outlet to vent. I have one. We hung a wonderful gong in the house. When I need to vent...I just bang that gong. It releases all my tension and leaves me with a wonderful sense of peace. That must be why the Buddhists use gongs. What an extraordinary feeling when you hit the gong. The sound it makes is wonderful and magical...there I go again, magic. I tell you it happens every day.

BTW, do you like my new template. I think it is much more in keeping with my "elegant" self.

Magically,
Neelie

Carpe Diem

2006-10-24T19:35:00.000-04:00

Want this badge?

Project Red is not a charity, it is simply a business model. You buy Project Red stuff. (Motorola, AmEx, Gap, Armani, Converse, Apple) Project Red gets the money. It then buys the pills and distributes them. Sick people in Africa take the pills, stay alive. And continue to take care of their families and contribute socially and economically in their communities.

"Sieze The Day". Very important to do. When my children were small I used to tell them, "yesterday is gone, tomorrow isn't promised, today is God's gift to you and that's why it's called The Present. Every day should be looked at as a present. A new day to do anything we want with. Like a present it should be unwrapped with great abandon.

We should do everything with excitment. For only then will we truly experience real joy. It seems that too many of us go through life looking sullen. Remember what you think is what shows on your face. So go out into the wonderful joyful! Even if you don't feel that way to begin with, the simple act of putting a smile on your face, will make you feel joy.

There are so many things in life to be grateful for. Our health, our family, our work (hopefully you are doing what you love), our friends, the roof over our head, our friends. You get the picture.

All you have to do is turn on the television and see the misery all around the world. So here we are, comfortable without misery....let's be grateful.

My friend of longest duration, Renee had a new grandson yesterday. He was born in Israel to her youngest son Dovid and his wife Elouise. How wonderful! A new life in a land so torn by strife. So even though the news every day is so full of misery, the young people have hope for the future and continue to reproduce.

How lucky we are! Let's try to remember that.

Carpe Diem,
Neelie

Not So Dumb After All

2006-10-24T16:49:00.000-04:00

Want this badge?

Old Fool

2006-10-24T15:19:00.000-04:00

Want this badge?

What the hell is a chandelier dresser...oh, I didn't say that to him. I simply replied, "why no, do you have someone?" Little did I know chandeliers of this sort come naked and truly need to be dressed (that is have all the crystals hung by a professional with white gloves). Glad it wasn't me.It took the professional 6 hours to hang all the crystals. Definitely worth it. The chandelier is gorgeous.

If I were 16 I would probably have no problem putting this link on my blog. So if there is a 16 year old out there...HELP! Now if I can only figure out how to put this link on my page. Perhaps, I will not feel stupid any longer.

Wondering,
Neelie

A Fish Tale

2006-10-22T11:03:00.000-04:00

Want this badge?

It is amazing how relaxing it is to watch fish. He is very funny. I have never seen a fish do cartwheels, but he does. We think it's because he is so big that when he tries to turn, he ends up, upside down and then has to right himself. Much like those of us trying to live our lives.

We frequently find ourselves in places we never intended to be. Life just took us there, much like Ricky trying to right himself. When we finish school, we truly believe we have a course set for our lives. How wrong we frequently are.

Life, like the tide, moves us to places we never thought we'd be. However, we frequently find when we get to our destination, that it is a good place to be. Of course, this does not preclude ambition or the desire to be more, to do more, to have more. I believe these are inate qualities we have.

In our youth, we always seem to be swimming upstream. But, I think, that's the way it should be. This passage prepares us for what is to come...aging. Not easy! But it beats the alternative. My friend Ellie said yesterday, "it's the mind that matters"! I believe her, without a great mind you have nothing.

So here's to keeping our youthful mindset and continuing to go about this journey of life full of the same kind of hope we have when we are kids. After all, that's what we are! Kids, who have just gotten older.

Neelie

I used to be "HOT"

2006-10-21T11:55:00.000-04:00

Well, I see it has been a long time since I've written anything. It appears in July I vowed to get off my couch and move. Hasn't happened! However, I look great....see my picture. I did have the worst experience the other day. I remember the days when a good looking man would look at me and then the car. Now they look at the car and then me.

Yesterday, this very handsome man walked past my gorgeous new 2007 Red XK with the top down and said "great". Of course, I thought he was talking about me. Once inside my destination, there he was again. He walked right up to me and said "what a fabulous car".

Now in the past, great looking men would say "beautiful woman, beautiful car" when did this change and how did I not see it happening. AARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! Here I am thinking I am still "hot". Apparently only the car is now hot. The downside to aging, I guess I better get off the couch, LOL!

I'll keep you posted,

Neelie

60 Somethings

2006-07-30T16:42:00.000-04:00

O.K. there are 20 somethings...why not 60 somethings. After all, we're something too! Today is a new day for me. I started, once again, a new diet. This time healthy food only and water when I feel hungry. I will let you know how long it lasts.

Oh, I forgot...I now need a new motto. My old one, "if I feel like exercising, I sit down and wait for the feeling to pass" has to be replaced. Why you ask? I'll tell you, because knitting no longer counts as an exercise. I have to move my body to lose weight and that is what I am going to do. We are on track...I am going to be back! It may kill me, but I'm going to be back.

I'll keep you posted.
Love,
Neeliie

It's A Dogs Life

2006-04-22T17:02:00.000-04:00

Rocky and Bullwinkle are my 2 maltese dogs. They are 6 years old now and as cute as the day I got them. To say they are spoiled would be a gross understatement. However, it is impossible not to spoil them becaue cute is what they do best.

For the first 6 years of Rockys life and the first 5 1/2 years of Bullwinkles life they lived in a condo on the beach. Of course, they were not allowed either on the beach or at the pool.

In January we moved into our new house which has much more room for them to run. We have a large yard and our own pool. They are free to roam anywhere. Which brought with it new problems. Bullwinkle is the alpha dog in our house and the moment the front door would open
he would feel obliged to run across the street to the house of the Zoe and Jax, the 2 Bedlington Terriers.

This usually got him into trouble either with me chasing him or the women with the GIANT DOBERMAN kicking at him. Bullwinkle, who really believes is a 180 lb Rottweiler had no fear of anything, people, cars, big dogs or neighbors. Rocky, on the other hand, is our timid dog. However, that didn't stop him from bolting either.

The 2nd weekend we were in the new house, my neighbor Barry rang the bell and asked, "are you missing anything"? I replied, "not that I'm aware of ". At this point, Barry stepped aside and who was standing quietly behind him, Rocky. He had been out exploring the neighborhood. Obviously, he felt obligated to look at his new surroundings.

These exploits led us to consider an "invisible fence" which we promptly had installed. It took 2 weeks to train them. Bullwinkle, of course, had to really find out if he would get a little shock. He did! Now, we can't get them past the front door. They are really quite funny about it.

They will both go out in back and play around the pool. Bullwinkle will not go through the fence into the yard. Rocky, however, always feels compelled to go through the fence and into the yard. Once he is in the yard he goes around to the front door and barks to come in. He is truly goofy.

Bullwinkle doesn't like the yard at all. If I am out in the yard picking up or gardening he will come out, however, he hugs the walls of the house like a thief in the night. He runs behind the air conditioning unit to the safety of the pool heater and runs behind the pool heater to the safety of the fence and then back into the pool area.

Our once, brave, fearless 5 lb. dog now will not move past the front portico. If other dogs are outside, he will make several attempts to move toward them and then thinks the better of it and simply turns around and goes back into the house. You can almost hear his little brain saying, "crazy I am, stupid I'm not". Bravery is still in his soul though, as long as he is in the house he will bark at every one that passes by. That's my boy!

Neelie

A Fish Story

2006-04-22T14:40:00.000-04:00

The saga of Lucy continues. Even though she looked very happy yesterday (why not she had the whole place to herself after doing in Ricky) her surroundings were not very attractive. We took her out of the bowl yesterday and put her in a storage bin because it was bigger and afforded her more room to move around. However, we knew it would only be temporary quarters.

Today we bought an apartment fitting her regal highness! A 10 gallon tank with lights and a filter. New gravel was added as well as plants, they really dress up the place. Oh, we also bought her some company...A new Ricky (of course, no fish can truly replace the original Ricky).

However, this guy is a HUNK! Even Lucy thinks so...she is all over him like white on Rice. Perhaps, it's because he is the same species of Goldfish that she is, a Ruykin. He is beautifully marked and has the most gorgeous tail...I think Lucy is going to let him live. We also added 2 fish to keep the tank clean, Tom and Jerry.

Tom is, of course, a Catfish. Jerry is what is called an Algae Eater. No, he doesn't look like a mouse. But Tom chases him around the tank nevertheless. For the moment it appears that all is well in the new house. Everyone looks happy, but only time will tell.

If Ricky is floating in the morning we will know that Lucy simply doesn't like to share her space and, alas, we shall have to consider her a "serial goldfish"! Hopefully, it won't come to that, since I'm not certain how we would "book" her! Can A goldfish ever be a perp?

Neelie

A Death In The Family

2006-04-21T16:50:00.000-04:00

Sad as it is, a death in the family always makes you realize how very short life is. It should be a time of reflection as well as a time to tell all those we love, just how much we love them. This death really brought home how very short life is...poor Ricky lived less than a day!

He was a Lion Head Goldfish that I brought home yesterday with a red-headed Goldfish that we call Lucy. There names seemed very appropriate. He was dark and latin looking and as I already told you she is a red head. But, alas, poor Ricky didn't make it through the night.

We don't know if he was sick when we bought him yesterday or if Lucy did him in!!! Then again, we're not really certain if he was a he and she is a she...but you know what they say, always look at the spouse first. So we are highly suspicious that she had something to do with it.

You see she is very happy today, she has the whole bowl to herself, not to mention the food!

Neelie

Approval At Any Age

2006-04-18T09:11:00.000-04:00

Why is it that at 61+ years we still need validation from a parent? How hurtful it is when our parents don't appreciate or recognize what we do. It doesn't matter how old we get or how old they are now, there approval seems to matter, even when it shouldn't!

How old do we have to be before the disapproval stops hurting? I'm not certain. What I am certain of is that we need to shut off that voice in our head...their voice, that tells us what we do is not good enough. I would like to say I know my mother means well, but it doesn't feel that way and why should I still care? Beats the hell out of me.

I guess getting older doesn't necessarily mean we get any smarter, at least emotionally smarter. Those people who have always been able to push our buttons, still do. And I wonder why we lack self-esteem...it usually tracks back to a disapproving parent. One for whom whatever we did, was not quite "good enough".

Who tracks "good enough"? It is enough that we have gotten older and really need to put our past behind us! Something I used to tell my kids was "your past is like your ass, it's filled with shit and follows you around. So get over it! I'm getting over it. No longer am I going to allow a parent or anyone to push my buttons.

I'm having all my buttons recovered, so no one will know where they are. Besides, it really is time to get over it.

Neelie

Jewish Penicillin

2006-04-17T21:54:00.000-04:00

My adopted daughter Liz made Chicken Soup yesterday and Matzo Balls today. It is the 1st time she has ever made Chicken Soup with Matzo Balls. The timing couldn't have been more perfect as her youngest daughter, Emily, was diagnosed today with Strep Throat. What better medicine for a sore throat than a hot bowl of Chicken Soup. I gave her the recipe on Saturday for the soup and matzo balls. Not only did she go out on Sunday and buy all the ingredients, but she actually made the soup. Her daughters said, "it s delicious"! This was a great accomplishment for Liz, one that made here feel really good about herself.

I was on the phone with Emily when she told me "Mommy is making Matzo Balls right now". I said, "wait until you taste them, they are fabulous". Emily replied, "I know they will be Aunt Neen, because it's your recipe and everything you make is delicious". What a compliment! Isn't this what life is about. Validation.

All we do is important, it makes us feel good about ourselves when we accomplish something as simple as making a pot of soup. Our accomplishments are what add up to who we ultimately are. They don't have to big. These small validations help us through the bad days and make us feel warm and incredibly happy. Isn't this what we all want, just to be happy? To have people like what we do and more importantly, that we like what we do, that it makes us proud.

Life is a journey or it should be. An extraordinary journey! We don't always know where we are going or even how we are going to get there...but the journey, that's what helps to shape us, to make us who we ultimately become.

When we get older, it is the journey and the fun (even the days that aren't so much fun) that we should remember. Some of us are smart enough to keep a journal of our days. Others, like me never have. Fortunately, I remember most of my journey through this world and the 61+ years that I've been on my way.

Now that we have this tool called the internet and blogging I get to share some of journey. It doesn't matter if anyone is reading it...I'm enjoying the telling of it. Stick around...we've only just begun.

Neelie

A Little Goes A Long Way

2006-04-17T20:31:00.000-04:00

My friend Pat said today, "God must be a woman, because she makes our near vision bad as we age so we can't see our wrinkles". I do believe their is a truth there. Think about it, we need BIG magnifying mirrors just to put on make-up. When we look in that mirror...it can truly be a frightening experience! I usually take a shot of Vodka 1st. It makes looking at myself in that magnifier easier. I strongly suggest it to any of you who have to look in the magnifier to make ourselves look reasonably like we used to (at least when we squint).

Aging really isn't so bad. Not when we look at the upside. We get to do what we want when we want. We can say almost anything and get away with it. If we laugh too hard, we get to play "did I just pee in my pants or not"! I guess that last one isn't so good. But it is true. Remember when we were babies our mothers kept us in diapers...we get the chance to experience them again. All you have to do is turn on the TV and watch a couple of commercials and see all the spots for "Depends". What does it depend on?

Almost all our jeans now contain a percentage of spandex. Do you know what spandex really means...EXPANDS! Bet you didn't know that. Now you do. Think of all the knowledge we have gained in all the years we've lived. Most of it is useless trivia, but what the hell, at least it's knowledge and you know what they say "if you stop learning, you might as well not go on". I say, "let's learn something new everyday". Even if it is remembering our phone number.

Forget remembering the important things, such as what did I do yesterday. That's why we have calendars. We can look back at yesterday and what we did is usually written on it. Remember when we went from one room to another and knew what we were going for. Think of how often we get from one to another now and completely forget what we wanted in that room.

I like to think it's not because I'm slipping, but rather it is because of all the KNOWLEDGE I've learned that is crowding my brain cells. Of course, it could be the shot of Vodka I take before I look in the mirror...those shots can really add up.

So the thought for today is, it doesn't matter what we remember as long as we remember our name. That's a very good thing.

Neelie

Life Is Short

2006-04-16T22:58:00.000-04:00

The most amazing thing about aging is that unless we look in the mirror, we don't realize we've aged! In our heads we are 18, 22, 24...whatever the age we are in the picture in our head. Then one day we walk past a mirror and glance over. Who is that old woman in the mirror? The revelation that is me, is extraordinary.

How can this be? How did I get to look like this? It might not be a bad look, we may have aged well, but we have aged nontheless. It happens in a flash, in a blink of an eye. That's why I say, all the time, DON'T BLINK! But we do anyway.

I can remember with vivid clarity, my girlfriend Renee and I. We were 20 years old and each had an infant. She a girl, me a boy. We were sitting around the table in my Mothers kitchen. I can close my eyes and see us there. Renee said, "do you realize 10 years ago we were 10, 10 years from now we will be 30".

Little did I know how profound those words were...those 10 years flew by and the next 10 and the next and so on. Here we are, Renee is going to receive her 1st Social Security Check. That's the good news! The bad news...I'll be getting my 1st check in July.

So, once again I ask "how did I get here"? Will somebody please slow this world down or as was so succinctly said many years ago in a Broadway musical "Stop the world, I want to get off". I don't want to get off, I just want it to slow down.

Life is like a "bowl of cherries", we just have to remember to stop long enough to eat a few and then some more. We have to savor more of each day, pick our friends with care and love each other more. Other than that, I guess we still have to grow old or not grow at all...just don't ask me to GROW UP!

Neelie

Never forget to dance

2006-04-16T10:35:00.000-04:00

Getting older is probably the best thing that can happen, especially to a woman. Men always seem to have a certain self-confidence, an air if you will...probably because of the package between their legs. It makes them feel superior.

But we woman, we are always so worried that someone won't like us, that our hair doesn't look right, that we're too fat or too skinny (it should only happen to me). When we are in the prime of our life and should know we've got it all going on, we don't! Why is that? We lack so much in self-esteem when we should be tackling the world.

It's interesting that even those gorgeous Super Models have self-esteem problems. I say, "ladies, wake up". "Have you looked in the mirror lately?" Extraordinarily, it isn't until our bodies start their rapid decline to the ground that we begin to have self-esteem. Only then, do we no longer care what people think of us.

You've met the old lady who will say anything! "Honey, you shouldn't wear that color, it makes you look as if you died and nobody buried you." Or, "Honey, your hair, it looks like you used the mix master on it this morning"! The best one, "Honey, what are doing with that outfit on, it makes you look like a Mack truck". You get my drift, we get old and just as we did when we were children we no longer censor what we say.

If only we had some of that freedom in our middle years.

Neelie

Eat Dessert First

2006-04-15T13:52:00.000-04:00

Life is really short! How short? You go to sleep when you're 18 and you wake up to find you are eligible for Social Security. How does that happen? When we are young (under 18) we can't wait to be grown up.

Before you know it, you are 21...yeah! I'm legal! You fall in love, get married (maybe more than once), have children and life scoots by so quickly. I know, you're saying to yourself "what are you crazy"! Here I am with 3 children under the age of 10, I have to work 2 jobs to make ends meet and everyone time they get close to meeting somone moves the middle!

Believe me, before you know it, just a blink away, is middle age and then we become seniors. How do we know we're a senior? We go to the store and the cashier calls you M'am or Sir, or better yet, you go to the store and don't realize that seniors get a discount on a specific day and the cashier says, "you get a discount today because you are a senior". Hah!

Not only is there grey hair, but weight gain! You know you don't eat any more than you did before, however the pounds just keep piling on. When you used to be able to lose 5 lbs. in a week, now if you work out every day (really work out) and cut your food intake to a piece of parsley a day, you might lose a pound or two.

Your hair not only turns grey it starts turning up in the strangest places...like on your chin or under your chin. I'm not talking about tiny hair, but hair that is 12 inches long before you even see it. Which brings me to another problem about aging.

Your eyes, the ability to see and read anything. Not anymore, cheaters are necessary to read anything smaller than 30 pt type. If your lucky it is only your near vision that goes...however, you are also prone to astigmatism. Don't know what that is? Sure you do, it's when everything you see looks wavy. The Doctors tell you it's because the fluid in our eyes starts to dry up, along with every other mucus membrane in our body, except of course our eyes, which even though they are "dry", now water uncontrollably.

Oh well, I guess this beats looking at the grass from the other side!

How did I get here? That's what I want to know...I bet you do to.

Neelie